Christmis aftermath

Whoa. Sos I just wokes up and thoughts it still be Christmis. But no, it be New Years Eve. Wow.
A whole weeks of drinkin and be passed out. It be a super nice way to spends a whole week. I wokes to find Lawnboy Larry pourin beers down my throat. He says he be doins it to makes me happy and keeps me alive but I knows he be doin it to makes me stays passed outs.
Sos I pounded him.

Don't know where the brats are, maybe at Creepos? Anyways it be time to start partyins for 2011! It's gonna be a wootin tootin hootin hollerin party times!! Kookoo and Ralphio better be runnin for them hills. Haha losers.

Lawnboy Larry done says it be a new dicade too. But I don't knows nothin abouts that.

Too bad your new years eve ain't gonna be as good as mine be. Bitches.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Merry Christmas Losers

Merry Christmas all you losers!

It's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos we gots up early and tore into our stolen (or as I likes to thinks of it, regifted) presents. Had a smoke and a beers for breakfast. Then I gives a beers to Pigface and SuperDuper to makes them pass out. I likes it quiets on Christmas.

Some stupid carollers done comes over last nights and starts singin. It was truly horridable. Lawnboy Larry done starts peein on them from the upstairs window. I done thoughts it was funny. But it ain't get rid of them sos I turned the hose on them. Then they ran. That was funny.

Gots the weenie stuffed turkey in the oven. Waitin for my bestest friend forever Creepo and his lovely bride and wonderful brats to comes over for dinners. I be greatsful for my bestest friend. But not feelin greatsful for Lawnboy Larry. He done irritate me sos. I like to think of myself as widowed. Haha loser.

Anyway, times to get back to my stoop, gots some nieghbours watchin to dos.

Later losers. And too bad your Christmas won't be as good as mine!
Losers!
Tanktop Tammy

Words of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy

Words of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy:

Todays I watched the neighbour get mail. Me and Lawnboy Larry done stood on our stoop and done watched. We done watched them go to the mail box and we done watched them leave from the mail box and back into their house.

Beeutiful Christmis Tree

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy.
Sos todays Lawnboy Larry is espeically annoyin. Sos insteads of murderin him, I decided to send him out with my bestest friend forever, Creepo. I tolds them to brings me back a tree. Sos I can decorates it all pertty like. I be the bestest EVER at decoratin a Christmis tree.

Sos anyway Lawnboy Larry and Creepo done set out for a tree. They bring an ax.
Lawnboy Larry done come back two hours later cryin. What a sissy. He had a big bump on his there head and he be blabberin bouts a tree done falls on his heads. Creepo said he done laughed real hards when that there tree done falls on Lawnboy Larry's head.
I tolds him to stop blubberin cause at leasts it's only his heads, it don't hurt nothin impotant.

But they done brings me back a real nice tree. It be the neighbours tree. Sos I decorated it with beers and weenies. It had to done decorated in ONLY blue and red cause that be my decoratin colours this year. Lawnboy Larry tried to stick a cigarette on it but I done slapped him and said NO. It not be reds or blues. Or weenies or beers.

I caughts Lawnboy Larry taken a leek in the tree stand. He says it done helps it grows better. I says it already be dead you stupid. And slaps him again.

To top off the beeutiful tree, I puts my picture on the tops. Lawnboy Larry says you supposed to put an angel or a stars on top BUT I done told him that I already be a star and an angel. Haha loser.

I sure do has the perttiest tree EVER. Suckers.

later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Creepo Returns And Santie Be Stealins!

Hello folks,
it's me, Tanktop Tammy. Sos my Christmis wish done come true! Creepo has done returned to me. I be SO happy. He didn't like workin at 'workin outs'. He be gonna go back to the welfares. Likes me.

Sos me and my bestest bud forever and forever, done our usual Christmis trickerys.
We done go round the neighbourhoods and 'takes' anything that ain't be bolted down. We dress in reds to looks like Santie Claus in case we gets caught. We stole some real good shit this year. I thinks it be our bestest year yets.

We done stole two sleds, some cigarettes (previously smoked), a can of oil, one bike, two hats, one skateboard and all them wreaths on them doors too. I gives Lawnboy Larry the wreaths. He likes to play with them, in what he done calls 'ring toss'. He done throws them wreaths over beers cans. It keep him busy for hours.

I also done steals all the pertty Christmis lights, Creepo likes to dress in them, nakeds. It be funny. And I done stoles all the carrots from them snowmens too. They be tasty.

Creepo's done gonna take the can of oil, I'm takin the cigarettes, and we be splittin the bikes and sleds and skateboards between Lawnboy Larry and the brats.

It gonna be a good Christmis!
Gotta go, sounds like Lawnboy Larry done got his face buried in snows again.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

More Words Of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy

More Words Of Wisdoms By Tanktop Tammy


I am thankful for turkeys. Weenie stuffed barbieQed turkeys.
I can almosts smells it now.

Lawnboy Larry and Shovelin It

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Dumb Ass Lawnboy Larry done it again. He be doin nothin that is. He did gets some more moneys from his loser daddy. I tooks it all. Gots some beers and cigarettes. At least I'm set for the next week!

Anyways Lawnboy Larry the loser has done decided he gonna be what you calls 'shovelin sidewalks'. His loser daddy done come over this mornins and after he done gives Lawnboy Larry the moneys, he done tells Lawnboy Larry that it be pitiful that he don't works. He tells Lawnboy Larry it be shamefulls to live off that there welfare and most impotant, livin off him.
He actually thinks Lawnboy Larry should makes his OWN moneys!

Sos he boughts Lawnboy Larry a shiny new shovel and tolds him to gets to work. And Lawnboy Larry says 'doin whats daddy?' And daddy done tells him 'shovelin sidewalks'.
Sos now stupid Lawnboy Larry sure be excited to start shovelin sidewalks. He be starin at that shiny new shovel ALL day. But he don't be doin no works. Just sittins. He done says he gonna starts tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after thats.........

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Homeless Dude be gone. But I gots a carrot for breakfast!

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos todays I woke up buried in snow. I fell asleep on my stoop last night and wokes up to find someone had made a snowman out of me. I even had a carrot stuck in my face. Sos I ate it. It be a good breakfast.

When I gots all the snows off me, I charged at Lawnboy Larry cause I thought he done its to me. And the stupid fool just be sittins there besides me not doin nothin. And besides he supposes to be being homeless and hangin on the curb down the streets and rounds the corner form heres.

After I pummeled the idiot and he begged for mercy, then he done tells me he not be the one to makes me into a snowman. But says it be the Homeless Dude that dones it. Thats when I notices the Homeless Dude not be there. He supposes to be here with me NOT Lawnboy Larry. Sos then Lawnboy Larry says the Homeless Dude couldn't stand hangin with me no mores and went back to his curb. Backs to being homeless.
That sucks. Now I'm left with Lawnboy Larry. Sure wish he'd get run over by a bus!

Anyways, sos now just sittin heres on the stoop, smokin and drinkin and hangin. With Lawnboy Larry. I guesses my days with the Homeless Dude are done for.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Words of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy

Todays I am gratesful for beers. I mean yoga.

More Lawnboy Larry and the Homeless Dude

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry done spent two whole days now sittin on the curb down the street and rounds the corner from my stoop. And he done nothin but complain abouts it. He says he done hates it. But I says he done haves to do it. Sos I can keeps the homeless dude with me.

Lawnboy Larry done says he hates it cause peoples throw garbage at him from their cars. And they done calls him names too. One guy done spits on him. But that could have been me doin the spittins. Haha. Loser.
He done says one guy done peed on his leg once too. I thought that was pertty funny.

Me and homeless dude been havin a good times. We be doin everythin me and Creepo uses to do together. Likes sittin. And drinkin, and smokin and hangin. The only thing we don'ts do the sames is talk. The homeless dude don't wants to talk. Sos we just sit. Which is fines.

Been a good week all in all,
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry and Homeless Dude

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I be left without my Creepo. My very very bestest friend forever. He be at his job he done calls 'workin outs'. I only sees him when we done go out to 'yoga' together. That be our drinkin nights. Me and Creepos that is. I leave the Lawnboy Larry at home with the brats. Creepo and I like to drinks beers and play darts ALL night. It be fun.

Now on to my story. Sos since Creepo be done gone ALL day at that there stupid job. I be needin a new bestest friend. Sos there's this homeless dude that done hangs out down the street and rounds the corners from here. I be thinkin he be my new very bestest friend. Well, at leasts someones to hang with ALL day.

Sos I done sent Lawnboy Larry down the streets and rounds the corner to go and get him. Lawnboy Larry didn't want to but I made hims. But Lawnboy Larry done comes back with no homeless guy. I gets mad. Lawnboy Larry done says that there homeless dude don't want to come over and hangs with me ALL day. Sos I done thinks up a real good plan. I done sent Lawnboy Larry to place cigarettes all along the sidewalk. ALL the way from the homeless guy to my stoop. We goin capture that homeless dude. It's how I gots Creepo.

Sos anyways, Lawnboy Larry done plant a trail of cigarettes and it worked! Homesless guy came to my stoop. But he didn't wants to stay. He done says he makes big money sittin on the curb waitins for change to fly at him. Sos then I thinks of my most brilliants idea EVER. I AM SO AWESOME! I says to the homeless guy that Lawnboy Larry will done takes your sittins on the curbs instead. And gathers that there big money insteads. And homeless guy can sits ALL day with me insteads.

And homeless guy finally went for it! I must gives him 10 cigarettes a day, plus seven beers, 5 weenies and not to talk to him. And ALL the big moneys Lawnboy Larry's makes, he gots to give it ALL to homeless guy.
I thinks it's a good deal. Lawnboy Larry starts his homeless shift tomorrow at seven o'clock. I hear thats in the mornings.
Good luck Lawnboy Larry and Good Riddance loser.
Hahaha. I am so awesome. And pretty.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Toads Lickin

Hello folks,
Sos Creepos done left me. I be so sad. He done take that job he calls 'workin outs'. I bes sittin all alone on my stoop. Pigface is at school and SuperDuper be in his cage.
Lawnboy Larry done take off ALL today and yesterday too. Both times he done come backs all strange. Sos todays I decided to follow the idiot. And I done saws him at the edge of the swamp. I thoughts he was drinkin from its. Sos I gots closer. Then I saws he was lickin a toad. A big slimy brown toad. He be gigglin too.
Sos I done jump at him and he squeals in fear. I asks him what the hell are you doin? And he done says 'I wasn't tryin to turn the toad into a princess. Honest'. Sos I done punched him in the face and fell into the swamp. And I tolds him that I be the only princess he ever done goin see.
Now he's back on the stoop with me and he sure do SMELL bad.

Sos wish I had Creepo or ANYBODY to sits with, except Lawnboy Larry.
hey, what abouts that homeless dude downs the road? Hmmmmmmmmmmm..........

Later Losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Creepo

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Had a good weekends of partying. So much partying to be done, such little time. I'm just sittin in my garage, smokin. Lawnboy Larry's passed out by the beer fridge. He had a long day of doin nothin. Again. The brats are screamin at each other. Again.

Creepo, my bestest friend in the whole wide world, has done told me that he be thinkin abouts gettin a job. He be thinkin he can do what he done calls 'work outs'. I don't know what that means but he seems all happy. I tolds him NOT to do it. WHAT will I do ALL day without Creepo????

He be breakin my heart.

He be my bestest friend EVER. Actually, he be my only friend ever. Lawnboy Larry don't count. Sometimes I wish I was widowed. Sometimes I wish Lawnboy Larry done be crushed under a big truck tire! Or shredded to bits by a lawn mower.

Anyway, I sure do hopes Creepo not get a job.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps workins for chumps

I'm Awake Bitches

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I'm up. And awake. Sort of. Been a good birthday week. I spent the whole week drunk or asleep. It's good to take it easy once in a while after all.
Sos we celebrate everyones birthdays on my birthday. Lawnboy Larry and me gots Pigface a new bike. Lawnboy Larry done swipe it from a neighbourhood kid. He didn't use it that much. And besides, the idiot shouldn't have left it on his front yard if he don't want it stolen. Right? Right.
Pigface seems to likes it. She can't ride it too good cause we never done show her how. SOs she falls down alot. What a loser. For my favourite SuperDuper, we gots him a new toy truck and a riding truck. We 'found' that at a garage sale. It's amazing what people will give away when they don't realize it.
Lawnboy Larry done gives me a cigarette and a beers and a rub down. I gave Lawnboy Larry a kick in the head. Hahahaha. I'm so funny.
My bestest friend in the whole wide world Creepo done bought me a Tim's coffee. It was very very good.
Dagwood the loser brought me some beers and weenies. How did he knows I likes weenies.
It be a good birthday week.
Guess I should go see where the brats are. Haven't really seen them ALL week.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
ps I sure could use a babysitter. Any takers?

Happy Birthday to ME. Losers.

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos it be me birthday. I beleive my actual birthdate is November 8th. A kind of crappy day to have a birthday. But it be mine. Sos this weekend I am having a big big big party. With lots of weenies, lots of cigarettes and lots of balloons.
It's gonna be a big big party. Too bad it ain't your birthday losers.

Sos I am gonna celebrate Lawnboy Larry, Pigface and SuperDuper's birthdays too. I can't be bothered to remember all them birth dates. Sos I celebrates them all together. On my birthdate. I think Lawnboy Larry be in September or maybe it's October? Pigface is sometime in the spring? And my favourite, SuperDuper. I think I squeezed him out sometime in mid winter? I was high on drugs at the time. It be hard to remember.

Sos we invited my very bestest friend in the whole wide world Creepo. And his lovely bride CB. And their 3 brats too. I hope I gets some nice presents.
Sos we gonna party like there's no tomorrow. KooKoo and Ralphio done take off. Haha losers. They not be invited.
It's gonna be a good party ALL weekend!!!!

See you when I wake up.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Halloween Times

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Boy do I ever have a headache. Spents the entire weekend drunk. It was SO much fun! Too bad you losers weren't invited. Haha. Losers.
Lawnboy Larry says he don't ever gets no hang overs cause he always be drunk. It be a good way to not get hangovers.
So we had woot woot hoot hoot hollerin party. Creepo, CB and their brats partied with us. KooKoo done take off.
On Sunday (the day of trick or treatin) I thinks I done hands out candy to all the brats? I do remember some big teens throwin their candies at me. And they called me something? But I can't remembers much.
Pigface done be ats PumpkinHead's house ALL weekend AGAIN. It be so good. And Dagwood and his weird pals done take SuperDuper my favourite out trick or treatin. They done brought him back round midnight and he done still be passed out ALL day. He's gots some bruises and a big cut on his arm but it ain't nothin much. Dagwood said he done fells down. I wonder when he'll wake up?
Pigface missed school today done cause she ain't home yet. Or maybes Ma Barker done take her? I don't care.
Weird. My house be done covered in toilets paper? Don't remember doin that? Sos I had Lawnboy Larry pick it all ups and folds it sos we can done use it again.
Had me a good breakfast though. Someone done left smashed eggs all over my car. Sos I had Lawnboy Larry done barbieQ them. Yum. They sure be tasty.
It be a good halloween time.
See ya suckas.
Tanktop Tammy

I'm A Winner, losers

Hello folks,

it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos thanks to Dagwood I wins me a award. Something called the Prolific award. Have NO clue what that there word means but thinks I likes it.

Sos just sittin on my stoop ALL day waitin for the big woot woot hoot hoot halloweenie party this WHOLE weekend! Can't waits to fill my belly with weenies!

Really really looking forward to Saturday cause Pigface is gonna be gone at her bestest friend forever house and SuperDuper, my favourite is gonna be with Dagwood and his weird buddies. Now if I can just get rid of Lawnboy Larry.

Anyways thats it from me.

Later losers,

Tanktop Tammy

Hangin

Hello folks,

it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos just sittin here hangin. Pigface be at PumpkinHead's place again. She done spent the weekend there again. It be SO nice without Pigface. Don't knows when they be bringin her back.

Lawnboy Larry done put up a big old sign on our front lawn that done says 'cuttin lawns' on its. I thinks maybe Lawnboy Larry may be goin back to cuttin them there lawns. He can't decides. He done likes bein on welfare. And he done likes takin all his loser daddy's moneys too. But sometimes he be missin cuttin them lawns. Me. I likes just sittin. Drinkin. And smokin.
Creepo and me just sittin ALL day today. Doing nothin. It be good.

Sos halloweenies be comin ups soon. I'm gonna do what I do every year. Sit on my front stoop and scare them brats away. I don't needs no costumes. It be my natural face that done scares them brats away. That ways I gets to keep ALL that candies for me. If Lawnboy Larry not be passed out again, I'm gonna makes him take SuperDuper out trick or treatin. That ways I can gets more candy. Pigface done be goin out with her new bestest friend forever PumpkinHead. He sure be one ugly kid. But they sure do likes each other.

We gonna have a halloweenie party ALL weekend too. Woot woot, hoot hoot and weenies. And lots and lots of beers. Yummy. Too bad you suckers ain't invited. haha

Well, gotta go, gets me some dinner. Where the hell is Lawnboy Larry gotten to? Mes and Creepos gettin hungry.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Ma Barker

Hello folks,

it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos just sittin here on my stoop sippin on my cigarette, beer in hand, life is good. Lawnboy Larry be gigglin in the corner at the back of that there garage.

Last night, Pigface's new bestest friend forever PumpkinHead and his mother came over. Her name is Ma Barker and she gots three boys. PumpkinHead done be her last one.

She done come over to gives back Pigface. She done have Pigface stayin with hers since the weekend. Was really nice without Pigface, that be for sure. But I did kind of miss yellin at someone. Can't yell at SuperDuper cause he be my favourite. Can't yell at Lawnboy Larry cause he be mostly passed out. Can't yell at Creepo cause he be my bestest friend forever. Would yell at KooKoo but then she'll done snap again, go off them happy pills and try to kill me. Sos it just be Pigface.

I made up for not yellin for three whole days by attackin passersbyers. That be fun. I waits in my garage and then when they get real close, I done pounce on them! I likes it best when they scream in fear and run. I don't likes it at all when they laugh at me and call me 'pathetic'. Don't know that word but don't think it be good.

Sos anyways back to Ma Barker. She done brought over funny cigarettes for Lawnboy Larry. She done says they be real good stuff. Lawnboy Larry done seem to be happy with them. He even hugged Ma. I wanted to pounce her her then and snap her in two, only cept she be bigger and wider then me. Sos I didn't. I just snarled a little. Just a little.
Not be likin this here Ma Barker. She says she has three boys and they all be bastards. Their favourite be to terrorize people. I like that. Sos maybe we can be friends. But NOT bestest friends. Cause Creepo be my bestest friend forever and ever.

Anyway, gotta run, Lawnboy Larry done puked.
Later loser,
Tanktop Tammy

ps don't work too hard todays losers- hahahaha ha

Just Hangin, What Else

Hello folks,

sos its be Saturday. Finally my day to rest! Me and Creepo be sittin on my stoop ALL day. Lawnboy Larry be passed out in the garage. SuperDuper be in his cage screamin. And Pigface be at her new bestest friends house PumpkinHead.

Tonight we gonna have a woot woot hoot hoot party. No balloons though. Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done not gives us any. Loser daddy was here this morning when hes brought us them foods and cigarettes and beers. He done brought SuperDuper a winter coat too. SuperDuper usually run arounds in his there diaper. KooKoo done told me to put clothes on that kid, but I says to her to shut up or I'll snap her in two. She done says that I should be doin somethin called 'potty trainin'. I have NO idea what that is. I done told her to get back to her side of that fence or I'll pound her. Sos she ran. Now I see her peekin at me through them curtains. Sos I gives her that there middle finger. Haha loser.

Well, that's it from me folks. I gots to go and wake up Lawnboy Larry and get him to light that barbieQ to makes me some weenies. Think I'll slip into my super tight spandex pants for the big party tonight.

See you losers,

Tanktop Tammy

ps that there picture is of Pigface's new bestest friend PumpkinHead

Thanksgivin Aftermath

Hello folks,

it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos just sittin here on my stoop belchin out the remains of them Thanksgivin weenies. Be nice to taste them weenies for the second and sometimes, third times. Thanksgivin dinner be good. Lawnboy Larry and me stuffed that turkey with weenie soaked in beers and then we done basted that there turkey in beers too and Lawnboy Larry sprinkled a little funny cigarettes stuffs on top. It was very good. We had Creepo, CB and their brats over.

We done barbieQed that there turkey til it was near black. Then after eatin, we done sits around the camp fires toastin weenies. Lawnboy Larry got drunk and passed out. He still be outside sleepin. Creepo done did a 'slam dunk' to Pigface again but this time in the fire pit. She done scream somethin awful. I thinks she don't likes that too much.She gots a couple scars now but I says it makes her look prettier. (haha)

I sends her off to school extra early todays sos I can come home and gets more sleeps. Now I'm just sittin on my front stoop, smokin and drinkin and starin and scowlin. It be a good Thanksgivin folks.

Too bad you losers don't get no weenie filled turkeys. Too bad for you, suckers!
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps don't work too hard today sucker

psss hahahaha

pssssss loser

Prep Weenies

Hello folks,

it's me again, Tanktop Tammy.
Sos it be thanksgiving time again. Sos I started prepping my foods. I soaks up the weenies in beer for two days. Then I stuff them weenies into the turkey's butt. Hmmm so delicious. But don't be stealin my recipes bitches. I came up with it all on my own. Well with the help of Lawnboy Larry.
This year Lawnboy Larry wants to add his there funny cigarettes into the turkey's butt too. I told him I'll think about it.

Pigface is at her new bestest friend's house, Pumpkin Head. They be havin fun ALL week terrorizin other kids. SuperDuper be sittin in his cage starin. Lawnboy Larry's passed out on the lawn. Me and Creepo be sittin in our campin chairs smokin and starin and scowlin. It be a good day.

Tonight we gonna have a woot-woot-hoot-hoot party. With Creepo, CB and their brats. We gonna have a competition on who can stay awake the longest. We did this before and LittleBastard always wins. Lawnboy Larry always comes in last. Cause he be passed out ALL the time now. Too much funny cigarettes and not enough cuttin lawns.

Well, that's it for now losers. Gotta go and check on them weenies, see if they be soakin up that there beer. I can smells them from here. Yum.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Mrs Weenie Face and Pumpkin Head

Hello folks,

it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I gots woke up today hearing KooKoo talking VERY loudly. She was out back playin on her swing and talking VERY loud and all sweetsie and high pitched. Her brat was nowhere to be seen. She was alone. I thinks she's off them happy pills AGAIN?
I hate crazy people. Especially crazy people that call on you every day.

Sos, anyways, back to me. I hads to go into see Pigface's teacher, Mrs Weenie Face, this mornin. Sos I slapped on my bestest pair of spandex pants. They squeezes all the good stuff. Picked out my favourite tanktop, slipped on some flip flops and headed out. Damn I looks good.

Sos Mrs Weenie Face done told me that she don't much like Pigface and that she a bully to all the other kids. Except one. There be a boy in Pigface's class called Pumpkin Head. He be terrible too. He done spit on peoples. Pigface and Pumpkin Head becomin bestest friends. I be so happy. Maybe Pigface can goes and play at this here Pumpkin Head's house all day now.

Sos Mrs Weenie Face done tell me to tell Pigface to start listenin to her and stop her bullyin and nasty ways, sos I hauled off and punched Mrs Weenie Face and says 'no way bitch'. I says if she calls me again for no reason then I will snap her in two. Sos then she says we won't have no more of them problems. Sos then I left. Be very glad we could work that out.

Now I'm home hangin with Creepo. KooKoo now be watchin us from her window. Yep, I'm pertty sure she off them there happy pills.
Ok, gotta go losers, gots to get back to my cigarettes and beers.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Stupid Party and Pigface

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos Dagwood's a real loser. Invites me and Lawnboy Larry to his there barbieQ and then doesn't have enough weenies or beer! Not evens any balloons. What kind of party is this? Then some of them losers started singin. And nobody ain't hootin or hollerin. Lawnboy Larry says it ain't no party til there's drunkeness and hoot-hoot, and woot-woots. I says it no party with no weenies. I sure do like them weenies.
What a loser party that Dagwood done have.

Sos we done left fast. And done come home and invited Creepo and CB and their brats over to our place. Then we done have a REAL party. Creepo and I found some old balloons from last weekend and we done patch them up and then we had a REAL party. With weenies and beers and patched up balloons and woot-woots and toot-toots and lots of hollerin. And Creepo did his slam dunk to Pigface. Though she don't like it no more since he slams her face into a mud puddle and it be cold. But it was a good party.

It be SO nice to have Pigface at school ALL day! Three more years and I can git rid of SuperDuper. He be my favourite still but it sure be nice not to have him around no more.
Be sure nice not to have Lawnboy Larry around ALL day too. He don't be workin at cuttin them lawns for like ever now. He be smokin funny cigarettes and drinkin and passin out and playin with his skateboard. He watch our brats when I go to 'yoga'. He don't say nothin no more bout me gettin fatter. Ever since I pelted him one.

But Lawnboy Larry's even cuttin into my relaxin time with Creepo. We spent years just a-sittin and starin and smokin and scowlin. Be sure nice to get Lawnboy Larry out of the house.
There's gots to be somethin I can do to get rid of him.

Next week I gots to go in to Pigface's school causin her teacher done wants to talks to me. The teacher, I call her Mrs Weenie Face, done says that Pigface is a mean bully and nobody at the class done likes her. I says so what. And I be glad she a bully. I was a bully in school too. Lawnboy Larry and I were cool. But anyways Mrs Weenie Face still wants to talks to me.

Well, that's it from me, gotta go and get another cigarette. The days be gettin colder. Soon I will haves to sit in my garage and stare and scowl and smoke.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps don't work too hard. Hahahahahahaha, losers.

Saturday Night Party Time

Hello Folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Friday night Creepo and me went to 'yoga'. Yoga be good. Lawnboy Larry done asks me why I am NOT losing no weight. He done says that I look fatter. Sos I clubbed him one on the head. He don't wake up yet.

Saturday night we's done have a party. That nut Dagwood done take my brat Pigface with hims and he's friends to what they call a 'cottage'. I was SO happy. No Pigface for 2 days!!!! Sos we done have a party to celebrates. Lawnboy Larry done woke up just in time for this here party. He sat in the corner most of the night sipping them funny cigarettes real slow like. Creepo, CB and me just did our usual of hoot hoot, and woot-woots and Creepo yelled out 'slam dunk' every so often even thoughs there weren't any water or Pigface round. NO Pigface. This be my bestest most favourite weekend of ALL time. Loser daddy done brought over them usuals of weenies and beers and I told hims to bring some balloons. This kind of event calls for balloons. Me and Creepo done write ALL over them there balloons "NO PIGFACE". Hahahaha, ha!

Now it be Sunday ( I think?) when you don't gots no job or hobbies and spend ALL your time on your front stoop, sometimes you done forgets what day it might be. What a life it be!
Sos anyways, I thinks it be Sunday now cause that nut Dagwood done bring home Pigface. She puked on my foot. There goes me bestest favourite weekend.
Now where is Lawnboy Larry gone? I needs some lunch.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Another Party Folks

Hello again,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos we had another party last night. Well, pretty well round here 'every night's party night'. It's great to be jobless. This party wasn't as good as last week's party cause we didn't spring for balloons. But we did have loser daddy comes over to gives us beer and weenies. That be our favourite. We sats ALL night and woot-woot and toot-tooted. It was a good time.

Today I finally done got to take my first born brat Pigface to school. I was SOOO relieved to finally get rid of her. When I brought her in, the teacher gasped in horror and flinched a little. Dunno why? The other kids all ran away. Good. They should be afraid of her. Be very afraid. Cause if she's anythin likes me, she's goin to be a great bully! I am SO happy!

Sos after I gots to get rid of her, I took SuperDuper to KooKoo's but she done bring him back soon afters, sayin he done teach her precious child some naughty words. Sos I stuck him in his cage for the rest of the day. And then went and sat on my stoop with Creepo and stared and smoked and scowled and sat.
Lawnboy Larry done sleep ALL day. Whens he finally done get up, he played with his skateboard a wee bit. And paced the front sidewalk. Starin.
It was a good day. Til Pigface came home.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Big Party Aftermath

Hello Losers,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos our Big Big Party was a success. Sort of. We had weenies and beer and more beer. We hooted, and tooted, and hollered and woot wooted ALL night. Well until Lawnboy Larry passed out. KooKoo, as usual, called the cops on us exactly at 11 o'clock. Why does she always call at that exact hour anyways?
Anyway, we didn't listen to them there cops. Why should we? This be our Big Big Party. Sos we partied on. In our garage cause it was a-rainin. We blasted our music ALL night. Til Lawnboy Larry passed out round 3 am. Then my brats passed out round 4 am sos it was just me and Creepo and CB and their brats. We put one of my bras on Lawnboy Larry last night after he done passed out. We laughed and laughed.
Now it's the next day and Lawnboy Larry's still wearin my bra. He hasn't noticed. Loser.
CB, Creepo and me all just sittin in my garage starin and scowlin as neighbours come and go. My favourite be to stay in the garage til they come closer and then run out real fast and snarl at them. That be my favourite lately.
Loser daddy done come over and gives gravol to Lawnboy Larry cause he's been pukin ALL day. Sos I sent loser daddy back to that there store for some groceries and smokes and more beer. Now I'm just hangin. It's good to relax once in a while. I deserve a break. Think I'll call up loser daddy to come bring some of that there macdonalds for dinner cause Lawnboy Larry can't barbieQ seein how he's passed out and pukin and all.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
ps I got a perm two days ago. I look real pertty.

Big Big Party Tonight Losers

Big Big Party Tonight Losers. And ain't none of you losers invited. It's a-gonna be a rootin, tootin, hollerin, howlin one hell of a party. We even sprung for balloons, bitches. Yep we roll BIG. Especially when it's loser daddy's money. We're gonna have weenies and beer and more beer. Lawnboy Larry's super excited. We's invitin Creepo and CB and maybe even KooKoo. We're gonna dump the kids somewhere. Not sure where yet. Or we could just let them hang with us. They likes beer too. Makes them sleep REAL good when we's gives it to them.
We's gonna have music and hangs out in the garage ALL night. Too bad you're not all invited losers.
Gotta run, Lawnboy Larry done gots scared again when that there balloon went pop in his face.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

A load of LOSERS out there-haha

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos you asks yourselfs, what am I doin right now? Nothin. What did you expect.
Sos just sittin on my stoop smokin and drinkin, starin and scowlin as neighbours walk past. This be my favourite.
Right now Lawnboy Larry be walkin up and down, up and down the front sidewalk. Aimlessly. Sometimes he do miss a-cuttin them lawns but mostly he now likes to be pacin back and forth, back and forth.
That stupid KooKoo done be a-baby-sittin my brats. She's still on them happy pills. She done told me the doctor done put her on a higher dose. Sos she 'safe' now. She most likely won't be a-hurtin nobody now. Sos she be a-baby-sittin my brats right now. Her voice be all high pitched and sweetsie like. It kind of creeps me out BUT she is a-baby-sittin my brats sos that be good. Gives me more time for my favourite hobbies of smokin, drinkin, starin and scowlin. Gives more time for Lawnboy Larry to pace. And best of all I don't be havin to look at my ugly kids faces!
I just noticed the other day, that Pigface done not be a-growin up. She be growin all right BUT not up but just OUT. She be done gettin fat. Lawnboy Larry done says she be a-lookin ALOT like me. Cool.
My favourite kid SuperDuper be always a-runnin round naked. Lawnboy Larry and I be too lazy to put them clothes on it. Sos he's be runnin round naked. KooKoo thinks he should have clothes on. She also don't think it be a good idea that he runs out behind movin cars either. But what the hell does she know. She's plain nuts.
Creepo, my best friend forever be keepin busy playin with wood chunks. And CB be busy hangin with me. Her brats don't seem to be growin up either. They don't seem to be growin at all. Ah well, who cares.
Anyway, gotta go light up another cigarette. Now where did that Lawnboy Larry go to now. He needs to be makin me some of that there lunch. His loser daddy done bring us more groceries over earlier. And gives us another car. Lawnboy Larry done smashed up our pretty white truck. SOs now we's got a black car. It sure be pretty.
Life sure is good when you don't have to works, and losers take your kids and other losers brings you foods and cigarettes and other stuffs too. Losers!
OK gotta go, seriously, this butt is a-goin burn my fingers.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

More Yoga time

Hello Folks,

what's new with Tanktop Tammy you ask? Same old nothin losers. What did you expect. Seriously.
Anyway, CB and me done went to 'yoga' again. Boy we sure do likes yoga. We headed back to the same bar we's went to last time. They got a pool table and a dart board. It is cool. If you think Lawnboy Larry be findin out I be not at yoga, don't worry, Lawnboy Larry's an idiot and he'll never figure it out. Course less he done reads this here blog of mine. But he ain't that smart. And I don't even think he can read.
I leaves him at home to watch the brats. He don't watch them too good though cause he be mainly passed out in the bathroom. Ah well, them brats of ours be hardy stock. Mainly they just run around and scream anyways. KooKoo done still wants to babysit my brats and I was gonna let her too. Til I done found out she done wanted to get paid. Can you believe that. Crazy old KooKoo.

Creepo and I are a-gonna head over to the bar next week since he still be my very bestest best friend in the whole wide world. We sure do have fun sitting and starin and smokin together.
His oldest brat Little Bastard done be climbin a tree again and got shot out of it by a bee-bee gun. Hahaha loser! Sos he be all broken bones now. Too bad sucka.

I can't remember the last time Lawnboy Larry done be cuttin them lawns? Nobody done hire him out in forever. Maybe he shouldn't be called Lawnboy no more. Maybe Funny-cigarettes Larry? or Loser Larry or Passed-out Larry? Or Skateboard Larry? Tho he don't be playin on that there skateboard so much. Not since he done found them funny cigarettes.
Anyway, We be a-liken this life though. What with loser daddy be buyin us EVERYTHING! Loser. We be doin alright.

Anyway, gotta go and snap a passerbyer, she be a-lookin at me funny like. I sure am a-gonna snap her in two. That'll learn her to look at me. Or in my direction.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Yoga be Good

Hello again folks,

it's me, Tanktop Tammy. Lawnboy Larry done says that I'm getting pretty fat. Sos I done told him that I be a-goin to that there what's called Yoga. Me and CB done says we be a-goin together. But we decided to screw that there yoga and done went to a bar instead. We sat there ALL afternoon drinkin and smokin and sittin. We done played some darts and some pool. And we done listen to music. I done left Lawnboy Larry with them brats of ours. Once I woke him up from his beer induced stupor.
CB and I sure did have some fun today. We be thinkin of goin back to yoga real soon again!

Now I'm a-sittin in the dark outside smokin. Lawnboy Larry's passed out on the stairs. Brats are a-screamin. It's only 11:30 PM sos it's too early for them bedtimes.

KooKoo be peerin at me through them blinds. She keeps them shut up tight all day. Just peeks out every now and then. Her daycare don't seem to be goin so good. No ones be bringin them brats to her. Lawnboy Larry and mine's cuttin lawns business ain't be goin too good neither. Seems no one wants us to cut them there lawns. Don't know why? It's good we be on welfare. And Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy's money. He sure do likes to buys us EVERYTHING! Loser!!

Sos, gotta go, be needin another smoke.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Catch Ups with Tanktop Tammy

Hello Folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy,
sos it done rains here today. Sos I sat under me new canopy. Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done bought it for us. What a loser. Gots some new campin chairs today too. Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done bought us them. I told him too. Besides he was already there buyin us our groceries. And smokes. And beers.
Which reminds me. Lawnboy Larry done be drinkin them beers ALL weekend. He still done passed out in the bathroom. I best be a-goin and kickin at him. Makes sure he still be alive.
Gots the beeutiful truck all done fixed up. Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done gots it fixed for us. It smelled better too. They says they cleaned it up some. It sure does smell pertty. I done sat in it for two hours this morning. Now it smells like smokes. Pigface done joined me for a long time. She done fell asleep sos I just left her in there. Wonder if she's still in there?
Little Bastard's done finally out of that there hospital. He done says he likes that there hospital better. He says the foods done better and they done treat him a whole lot nicer. He says they at that there hospital don't even yells at him. That, I can not believe.
I oughta send Pigface there. Maybe Creepo will drown her again. In that there what he calls 'slam dunk'. He sure do likes that game.
Well, better get back to my stoop. The rain done stops.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Long Weekend Blues

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy.
Sos, this be the long weekend. I be a-sittin on my back stoop. Just starin and sittin and smokin and scowlin. Lawnboy Larry be a-moanin and a-groanin. It's cause he done got beats up by KooKoo. Last thursday she done caught him stealin her happy pills, sos she punched him in the groin. He still be a-moanin and a-groanin.

Little Bastard's still in that there hospital. They done a-goin keep him for whats called observation.

Creepo done be real sad causin the Tim Hortons down the block done gots closed up. Creepo be a-missin his coffee. He done look sad. He don't even wants to move his there chunks of wood round no more.

On saturday, new people that just moved in, just moved out. AND they done stole our campin chairs. We didn't do nothin to them. Just some bullyin and some intimidationin and some funny tricks. Like Lawnboy Larry done loves to play his old trick of ringin them doorbells and then a-runnin away. That be his favourite. We also done like to slit their tires, throw balls at their heads and have our brats play in THEIR backyards. Don't know whys they done moved out? Or why they done took our campin chairs. When I finds them, I be a-snappin them in two!

Last week, my beeutiful truck that loser daddy done gives us is all fulls of water. Lawnboy Larry done be playin with the window button that done makes the window goes up and down, up and down, and he done broke it. Then it rained. Now my beeutiful truck be done wet. Sos we called loser daddy to come and get the truck and fix it for us.

Sos I just be a-sittin and starin and smokin and scowlin. And growlin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Stitches and Lollipops

Hello again folks,

it be me again Tanktop Tammy. Here's some pictures for you losers to enjoy:

One of them is Lawnboy Larry's sewins up of his there finger and the other be sewins up of his there head. He be proud of them.

Lawnboy Larry done wanted to take a picture of them lollipops before he done suck them dry. Sos here they be.

The other pictures is of Creepo. One done taken BEFORE the burnins to his there face. And the other done taken AFTER that there burnins to his face. Sees. You can't tell if he done got burnt or not. That be his normal.

Later losers,

Tanktop Tammy

My week by Tanktop Tammy

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy.
sos, I been busy. And not the sittin- on -my -ass -type busy.

Last tuesday, Creepo done played his favourite game of 'hold Pigface's head under the water' game. Creepo be a-callin it 'slam-dunk'. But I guess he done held her head in too long this time. Her body went done flop. Sos we took hers to emergency. Them doctors and them nurses done shook their heads at us. Turns out Pigface was fine, and was just holdin her breath too long. Long enough til she done pass out. They let her come home a couple hours later. Unfortunately. I was hopin they'd be a-keepin her longer. That be too bad.

Sos then on wednesday, Lawnboy Larry be helpin Creepo move his there chunks of wood round the yard. This be Creepo's favourite hobby. Movin chunks of that there wood. Well, Lawnboy Larry done yell out a horrid screechin yelp. Turns out there was a nail done stuck in that there chunk of wood that he don't see. It sunk it's teeth straight into Lawnboy Larry's third finger, that be his longest one. Sos we done hike back up to that there emergency again. The nurses and them doctors too, done shake their heads again. Turns out Lawnboy Larry done have 5, count em, 5 stitches. And they done give him a lollipop too. Pink. That be his favourite.
I was hopin they be keepin Lawnboy Larry for a couple days too.

Then on thursday, LittleBastard done got hit by that there car. He done got run over real good. Squashed. Sos we go back to that there emergency. They done keep LittleBastard.

Friday Creepo done got caught on fire. He be a barbieQin some hamburgers and done tried to flip them up in that there air. But one hamburger done got caughts on fire and when he go to flip it, it done come back down on his there face. He be on fire! Lawnboy Larry done saves the day by a-peein on Creepo's face. Lawnboy Larry's pee done put out that there fire. We couldn't really tell if Creepo's face was burnt or not cause that be his normal look. But we takes him up to that there emergency. Them doctors and them nurses done look plenty mad. Sos they let out Creepo AND LittleBastard too.

Then there's saturday, LittleBastard be a-playin on his there dirty ol trampolenie with BratGirl and they be a-startin fightin. And BratGirl done pushes LittleBastard clear off that there trampolenie. LittleBastard done fell and squealed somethin awful. We thinks hes got a broken bone sos Lawnboy Larry done tried to snap it back in. But that just makes LittleBastard squeal more and louder too. Sos Creepo done take him to that there doctor again. They still gots LittleBastard. He didn't get no lollipop. But Lawnboy Larry done got one again. Causin he stole it.

Sunday, we done had a rootin-tootin good ol party. We done woot-woot, and whoop-whoop, and hoot-hoot ALL night. Then Creepo done be real drunk and done smashed a beer bottle over Lawnboy Larry's head. Lawnboy Larry fall down. Lawnboy Larry not be gettin back up. Sos we takes him to that there emergency again. He done need 6, count em, 6 stitches this time. Lawnboy Larry done not feel no pain cause he be a-smokin them funny cigarettes again. He be a-gigglin the whole time that there doctor done be sewin him up.
He got another lollipop too. Orange flavour.

Sos now it be monday. And I be a-sittin here in my campin chair. Smokin and drinkin and starin and hangin. Lawnboy Larry's still passed out. Creepo and CB be a-sittin on my swing. LittleBastard be still in that there hospital. They be SO lucky to have one kid gone. I wish it were Pigface.
BratGirl and CryinGirl be fighting over a stick. Pigface be screamin real loud like. SuperDuper be a-standin and a-starin.
Sos that be my week folks. Got to go and kick at Lawnboy Larry to done wake up sos he can makes me some lunch.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

KooKoo and the brats

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos me and CB done sit around all day again today. Just sittin and smokin and drinkin and starin. Ands we found out why KooKoo done tryin to talk to us. And why KooKoo done tryin to be all sweetsie nice to us. She done says she's opening up a daycare centre and she done wants our brats to what she calls baby-sit. I don't know man, she done spent lots of time in that there Loonie-bin. But then again I sure could use a break. What with everythin I be doin round here. Sos I be thinkin I will let KooKoo done baby-sit my brats. Then I can take more time for meself. And CB done says the same thing too. With KooKoo takin our brats, we can gives more time to sittin and starin and smokin and drinkin. Yay!

Lawnboy Larry done got one cuttin job. For his loser daddy. Loser daddy done gives us more money. We told him it was for the 'cuttin lawns' business. But it was really for some more of them funny cigarettes. Lawnboy Larry done have a hankerin for them funny cigarettes ALL the time now. He's just sittin there right now and gigglin to heself.

Well, I gotta get back to me chair, and smokes and booze.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

KooKoo and CB

Hello Folks,
sos today I be real mad. Spittin mad. Sos you know how I went to that there dumb ol party at Granny's. Well whilst I was away, KooKoo did try and make bestest friends with CB.
CB be MY bitch. Not KooKoo's. And Creepo be MY bestest friend. Not KooKoo's. When I done come home from that there party, I done see KooKoo done talkin to CB. Yeah I know. KooKoo never done talk to CB before. CB been here three years now and KooKoo never done talk to CB.
Sos I be a-wonderin what KooKoo been up to? What does she want from CB?
Could it be KooKoo done want CB's trampolinie? Or could it be KooKoo done want CB's campin chair (it is super lovely). Or could KooKoo done want CB's funny cigarettes? CB and Creepo done got a whole stash of those.
When I done ask CB what KooKoo done want, CB just shrugged and scratched her ass as usual, and done said 'don't know'. But says KooKoo done sound real nice and sweetsie like.
Sos good to hear KooKoo done still takin those there happy pills of hers.
Now where is Lawnboy Larry? KooKoo better not be puttin her filthy paws on my Lawnboy Larry. I swear I snap her for it.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry and I still not be a-workin. We's just sits here in our campin chairs til somebody done call. Email us at cuttinlawns@live.ca

Granny's Party

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos I tried to crash a party the other day. Yeah I know, I actually left my campin chair. Well, not officially. My campin chair came with me. Cause it was stuck to my ass. Couldn't get it off
Sos the party was at Granny's house and I wanted to go cause of the cupcakes she makes. And I like to steal ALL the food, cause it will feed my brats for days sos I don't have to slap a sandwich together for them every couple days. It saves me big to steal.
Sos someone done slashed my tires on my ugly white truck (Larryboy Larry's loser daddy gaves us that there truck for our 'cuttin lawns' business). Sos I grabbed Lawnboy Larry and my two brats and done hitch hiked over to that there stupid party. Just as I was a-stealin them there cupcakes and other food stuffs, Stupidman done come a runnin at me. He done threw a pitch fork at my favourite kid SuperDuper. But SuperDuper don't care too much. Then Stupidman done try to chop off me head with a scythe, but I done grabbed a-hold of that there scythe. Ain't nobody done gonna chop off my head. Sos then Stupidman done got scared and cried for Granny. Then all them party peoples done come over and tried to wrestle me down but I fought back and was a-winnin. Cause I'm real tough see. And cool too. But then somethin that done smelled worst than Lawnboy Larry done jumped on my back and bit into my meaty flesh. I ran for it with Lawnboy Larry squealin and the brats screamin. We hid in the bushes til that there party was over and done stoled lots of food.
Then at night we decided to get up and leave when Granny done shot me. In the ass. Luckily she be bad at aimin that there gun. Luckily too I done still have that there campin chair still stuck on me ass. Bullet didn't pass through. Me ass is fine.
All of that was WAY too much for me. Only ONE day a year will I adventure off me stoop.
Too tired to smoke, well not really, what kind of losers too tired to smoke.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

And don't be gettin none ideas to come by me place to steal none of that there food, I done stole it fair and square. And if you come sniffin round I done snap you in two.

Another Day By Tanktop Tammy

Hello again folks,

it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos since friday we been sittin here in the backyard. Lawnboy Larry done finally wake up. He be sittin on the hammock, Creepo and CB be sittin on the swing and I be in my favourite campin chair. My kids finally done showed up, late Saturday night. See told you so. They done come home when they get hungry. They be a screamin at the top of their lungs ALL day. Creepo be a hollerin in some 'orc' language, Lawnboy Larry every so often yells out a 'hoot hoot' and a 'whoop whoop', CB just be a smokin and I be talkin lots in my very deep and manly voice.

We did shake things up a bit yesterday and done sat in the front on the stoop. It's good to shake things up a bit sometimes.

Ah it's good to take it easy and just sit and stare and smoke and scowl at people ALL day long EVERY day.



Lawnboy Larry still ain't workin. We have loser daddy come over bringin us groceries and smokes and EVERYTHING else. What a dumbass. I still not be plantin my pertty flowers. And I be the BESTEST ever plantin them pertty flowers too.

Sos we just be sittin here. I haven't moved from this here spot in 4 DAYS! I know. It's a great life.



Lawnboy Larry says he be needed to taste them there funny cigarettes again. So we gonna be findin out wheres you can get them. And we'll make loser daddy go get them for us. He does EVERYTHING for us. As it should be. No point in us doing nothin, if he can do it ALL for us. I think it's great.



Anyway gotta get back to my campin chair.

Later losers,

and don't work too hard- LOSERS,

Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry and the 'cigarettes'

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos just sittin here relaxin for a change. Gots my smokes and beers. Ah this is the life folks.
Anyway, some of yous been askin whatever happened to Lawnboy Larry. Well after my favourite big black bikini done snapped right in front of Lawnboy Larry, and he done run away. After two days I went a-lookin for him. I was afraid he gots into KooKoo's happy pills again. But nope Creepo done spotted him up the tree out back. He'd been sittin there the whole entire time. I yelled at him to get his ass down from that there tree. But he just giggled. He had somethin in his hand. It was a cigarette. But it don't smell like my regular cigarettes. I done ask Lawnboy Larry what he be smokin. And he just giggled again. Sos I reached up and grabbed his there ankle and yanked him down. He fell and hit his head. He be alright. Creepo dragged him back to our garage and Creepo and I have been smokin them there 'cigarettes' for two days now. We be doin lots of gigglin. Lawnboy Larry's done fresh out cold still. And the kids. Don't know where them kids be at. Ah well, they'll show up when they be gettin hungry.
Gotto go and get back to my 'cigarettes'.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps you know anyone who be needin cuttin of the lawns or a-plantin them pertty flowers, you be sure to let me know. Cause ifin you don't, I be a-snappin you in two.

My Day Yesterday

Hello Folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos, yesterday I done decided to take it easy for a change and sit. I wanted to wear the dreaded black bikini sos I started a-lookin for it. I looked everywhere. Then I smacked Lawnboy Larry upside the head cause I thought he done stole it again and done buried it out back, again. Then I spots it. Lawnboy Larry done be usin my black bikini as a table cloth. Sos I smacked him upside the head again.
And done take back my big black bikini. Snapped it into all the right spots. Ah feels so good. Then I sat on my campin chair, Lawnboy Larry done sat on the hammock and Creepo and CB done sat on the swing. The kids screamed. I screamed ALL day at them. I be a-yellin, in my super deep manly voice-"SuperDuper, SuperDuper, SuperDuper" ALL DAY LONG.

Then it happened. My beloved big black bikini done snapped. I was a-bendin over in front of Lawnboy Larry, tryin to pick up my fallen beloved cigarette, when SNAP!! My bikini bottoms went snap and opened up revealing my enormous ass. It was like an explosion! Lawnboy Larry screamed like the girl he is, CB and Creepo laughed and I just stood there. And finished pickin up my cigarette. Lawnboy Larry ran away screamin. He still hasn't come home. I hope he's not into KooKoo's happy pills again.

Later Losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Canada Day sittin and smokin, losers

Hello again folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos it be Canada Day I be told. Sos all morning I done sits outside on my campin chair smokin and drinkin them beers. When Pigface done come out to play, I told her to go away and stop buggin me, I'm busy. I done told her to go play in the mud puddle out back. So she did.
Now after a busy afternoon of smokin and starin and drinkin, Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done come over again. Lawnboy Larry says he's a-goin cook them there weenies for the loser for dinner. Sos now I be just sittin in the backyard with Lawnboy Larry, Creepo, CB, Creepo and CB's little bastards, and my ugly bastards too, along with Lawnboy Larry's daddy. Lawnboy Larry wants more money from the loser, for 'cuttin lawns'.
We have decided to both stay on that there welfare AND do 'cuttin lawns' AND live off daddy loser too! That way we be havin more money to spend on stuff. Stuff likes beer and cigarettes and those funny cigarettes that Lawnboy Larry loves so. They sure make him giggle lots.
Besides I be needin a new campin chair. My old one done got worn out some. Guess from all that sittin.
Sos here I'll stays, for the rest of the day and ALL evening. Sittin, starin, smokin and scowlin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

welfare or cuttin lawns?

Hello folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry and I are just sittin here in our campin chairs enjoyin our smokes and beers. Pigface is playin in a neighbours yard (tough to them if they don't like her there) and SuperDuper be walkin round starin and well, starin.

Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done gives us the money to start up 'cuttin lawns'. We puts an add out and everything. Lawnboy Larry's done confused again. He don't know if he wants to stay on that there welfare like me or work at 'cuttin lawns'. Either way he not doin nothin. Just sittin with me and smokin and starin and scowlin. Nobody done wants him to cut their lawns. And nobody wants me to plant them pertty flowers. But I be the BESTEST at plantin them flowers. And if anybody done says I'm not, I'll snap them in two.

Anyways, now we knows why KooKoo done come over to talk to me. KooKoo and Ralphio done wants us to fix their deck for them. For nothin. Ralphio done tried to build that there deck three times. Now he gave up and done sold everythin. Now theys just gots sand where them bricks used to be. Lawnboy Larry' s awful stupid and he don't get it, that they just be a-usin us, and sos he wants to put that deck together. Well maybe he doesn't cause he does so like sittin and starin and scowlin in his campin chair. That be becomin his favourite.

Ain't nobody hirin us. Don't know why. Sos we'll justs sits here and waits.

Here's our add:

Lawnboy Larry done cut your lawn
at 'cuttin lawns'
and Tanktop Tammy be plantin your pertty flowers
call us.

Well, gotta to go losers, and get back to Lawnboy Larry. He done puttin his head inside that there barbieQ again, he wants to know how it done lights up. He likes fire and pertty lights ALOT. Better go before he sets his face on fire AGAIN.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Daddy

Hello again Folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy.
Well after a hectic weekend of sittin and starin, smokin and scowlin, I'm ready for a break. ALL day I'm a-goin sit here and not move. Ah it's good to take it easy once in a while.
Sos, Lawnboy Larry been thinkin bout startin up his own business. He done goin call it 'cuttin lawns'. It be a good name. And since he done got fired from every job, he done thinks he can work for himself. Come to think of it, I be done fired from all my jobs too. We have so much in common, me and Lawnboy Larry!
Sos, Lawnboy Larry done goin ask his there daddy for some more money. To start up 'cuttin lawns'. His daddy pays our rent. And pays for our car and car gas too. And bills. And buys us cigarettes too. And beer. And food.
Anyway, we likes his daddy best when he done gives us money. Sos Lawnboy Larry is goin get some more money off of the loser, I mean daddy, and start up 'cuttin lawns'. And I'm a-goin help! Yep, I'm a-goin plant some pertty flowers. That be my favourite. Just cause all my flowers done died or Pigface done rip their heads off, doesn't mean I can't be a plantin pertty flowers.
Anyway, gotta go, get back to my campin chair on my stoop.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Stuff

OK, so it's me again. Tanktop Tammy. Been sittin here in my garage ALL day. CB been sittin with me ALL day too. Creepo's been busy movin chunks of wood around his there backyard. That be his favourite.

KooKoo done come up to me today. Yeah I know. I was surprised too. She still be on them there happy pills. She still be a-smilin all crazy like. Anywho, she done come up to me and told me she done found what she calls 'inner peace'. She done found it at a place called yoga. I don't know what the hell she be talkin about. Anywho, she done told me that if I went to that there place called yoga that I'd be happier, and not scowlier. She said I'd be less of a bitch if I done went to that yoga. But I done told her that I like being scowlier and miserable, that be my favourite. And if she ever done call me a bitch again, I done rip off her head off.
She ran away. Probably back to suckin down some more of them happy pills of hers.

Oh, yeah some of you losers were askin bout Lawnboy Larry. He done come home last night. That there ambulance brought him back. He done sittin on his skateboard, giggling. That there hospital didn't want to let him out but I threatened to snap them in two if they didn't. So they did.
They finally let SuperDuper, my favourite, out too. He be playin in his cage right now. Pigface? I don't know where Pigface is right now.

Anyway, I gots to go get me some more beer and cigarettes. Gettin hungry too. I'm goin go kick Lawnboy Larry off his skateboard and tell him to make me some barbieQ.

See you later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry the Loser

Hello Folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos yesterday was father's day. Lawnboy Larry done still in that there hospital. He says he done have the bestest father's day ever there. He says he gots to play video games (after he kicked all the kids off of the game) and he got to eat that there hospital food. He done say that hospital food is so way better than what he barbieQs.
I've been sneakin beer and cigarettes up to him. The nurse caught him smokin and just shook her head and says 'poor dumb sap'. Lawnboy Larry says he's havin the best time cuz it feels all like high school again and gettin caught smokin in the john again. He's havin fun.
They goin be keepin him for a while longer. Run some more of those tests. I keep tellin them there's nothin wrong with him. That that be his normal way of lookin and talkin and all. But they won't believe me.
Today I had to take my favourite SuperDuper to that there hospital too. The doctor done run some tests on him too. They says he ain't normal and that his head's too big but there ain't nothin in it. I says he be normal in that way too. All my family done like that.
I left Pigface with Creepo and CB. Creepo dunked her head under the water in our pool. He had fun.
Sos yesterday I done sat in my campin chair with Creepo and CB. Starin. Sittin. Smokin. Screamin.
It's a good life. I wonder when Lawnboy Larry done goin come home? Aw well, they can keep him for awhile. Loser.

Ok, later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps I added a couple games I like to play. Enjoy them all you losers.

I am wonderful, losers

Hey Folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy.

Sos yesterday I was just sittin there in my campin chair starin at people. Yelled a couple insults too. One little kid with it's mom went by and I done heard it say to it's mom "what is that ugly thing staring at us mommy?"
And then the mommy says "don't look sweetie. it will give you nightmares.'

This done happen to me ALOT. All my life. Someone done tell me I was ugly. Even Lawnboy Larry done says I'm ugly. He says I look like 'someone took a frying pan to an ugly fish's face'. Smashed, fish guts.
That's why I hang out with my bestest friend in the whole wide world -Creepo. Cuz he done uglier than me! He looks like an goblin from that there movie Lord of the Rings. Or was it Lord of the Flies. I don't know, I don't do none readin. I'm too busy sittin on my chair!

Anyway, sos this morning I done took to my mirror and done told myself how beautiful I am. I done stared at myself for an hour reciting over and over again "I am beautiful. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am a wonderful woman (least I thinks I'm a woman?). I am great. I am powerful. I am wonderful. Over and over and over and over again and again. Then my reflection started freakin me out. Sos I took off. And went and sat in my campin chair.

Oh yeah, Lawnboy Larry's still in that there hospital. They done goin do some more tests. They says he needs to see whats called a psychiatrist. They wants to sees SuperDuper too. They done think he be needin some therapy. He looks blank.

Anyway, Creepo and CB done went to that there hospital to see Lawnboy Larry. Creepo brought him some chunks of wood. Lawnboy Larry done like to stare at it.

Better get back to my campin chair. Later losers.
Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry done got run over

Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry done got run over by a car today. Stupid loser. The driver says he don't see Lawnboy Larry. Lawnboy Larry done lay there atwitchin and all and the driver got real nervous. He asks me if Lawnboy Larry's ok, cuz he done twitchin and I done told him, yep that be normal for Lawnboy Larry, he's always a twitchin. Sos the driver done got back in his car and sped off.
Sos I hauled up Lawnboy Larry and drove back to that there place called a hospital. Half way to that there hospital, I remembered the kids. Sos I drove back home and threw them kids in the back. And lit up another cigarette.
When we got to that there hospital, the nurses ran and grabbed my favourite kid SuperDuper. They wouldn't give him back. They says there's somethin wrong with him. That he done look what they call retarded. And I says no that's just SuperDuper, he always looks that way. They looked at me, then they looked at SuperDuper and back at me, and then they shrug and say I guess so. And they done give me back SuperDuper.
And I says it's this here one Lawnboy Larry who done got run over by that there car.
Sos then they grab Lawnboy Larry and take him away.
Sos I went home. When I gots home, then I remembered them kids of mine. I drove back to that hospital and found the kids playin in a mud puddle. Sos then we drove home.
That there hosptial says they goin keep Lawnboy Larry for what they call observation.
They say he don't look good. He don't seem to know nothin. But his head didn't get hurt just his foots. Sos I don't know what they talkin bout.
Anyway, got to get back to my swing and my cigarettes and my beer, now where did those damn kids go now?
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

sittin and starin. what more is there?

Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos last night Creepo set off some fireworks. He almost nearly done blowed off his face again. It was funny. And the fireworks were super cool. Only super cool people shoot off fireworks. It was loud and KooKoo started screaming. That was funny.

Lawnboy Larry's sittin on the stoop with me. So is CB and Creepo. We be starin at everybody and makin rude gestures at them. And insultin them. It's fun being cool.
Lawnboy Larry's not too worried about lookin for another job cuz he's goin go on welfare like me. I've been on that there welfare since they did fire me for being so ugly. I likes welfare. Creepo and CB be on welfare too. I think Lawnboy Larry will miss cuttin them lawns though. He was born to do that. It's his what they call destiny.

Pigface is ascreamin and jumpin up and down, up and down. That be her favourite lately. And SuperDuper be just standin there starin, not movin. That be his favourite lately.
I can see KooKoo watchin me from her window. She's been afraid to go outside since them fireworks. Haha loser.

Well, gotta get back to my starin and sittin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

My Life

Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos all week I done sat on my front stoop and stared and yelled insults as my neighbours came and went. Stupid losers going to work and shoppin and goin places. I've got it better than they do. I gets to sit on my fat ass ALL day. Pretty cool life.
But it's good to shake things up sometimes. Like this week I sat ALL day every day on my front stoop. Instead of the backyard. Sos that was pretty excitin.

KooKoo done actin all weirdo again. She hangs out in the rain and yesterday she spent hours walkin around her yard while hangin on to her fence. I know. Pretty weird huh. I hope she don't find out it was Lawnboy Larry who done stole her pills.

Lawnboy Larry done got himself fired again. His boss says Lawnboy Larry was done late again so he fired him. It's hard to get up in the mornin when you done spent ALL night drinkin and sittin on your stoop. Lawnboy Larry's playin on his there skateboard.

Creepo's been hangin around alot. His favourite thing to do lately is move chunks of old rottin wood around and around. Like he'll move it from one spot, then pick it up again and put it in another spot. He can do this for hours. We all thinks he's pretty cool.

CB's been hangin with me all week. We mostly just sit and stare and yell at the kids. And neighbours.
It's been a good week. Now I got to go and get some rest. And some cigarettes. Where's Lawnboy Larry gotten too now.

later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Baby Photos

Hello,

It's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Today I will show you some baby photos of me and my beautiful family and friends. You will enjoy these.

Starting with the top left hand side one is a photo of Creepo's kid LittleBastard. He has a nice smile.

The big photo beside it is of my favourite kid SuperDuper. He's so cute huh.

Below the photo of LittleBastard is me and beside mine is Pigface. See, now you know why we picked that there name.

Below my photo is Lawnboy Larry and beside him is CB. And the bottom left one is of Creepo-the one with the big toothy smile. And beside that one is Creepo's kid CryingGirl.

Well, that's it from me folks. Gotta go and get back to my campin chair out front. CB's awaitin for me.

Versatile Award, check it out losers

The Versatile Blogger Award



Hello,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I won me an award folks. I so deserve this here award. It says I won the Versatile Award. Don't know what that there word 'versatile' means but I knows I deserves it. For sure.
This is cool folks cuz the only time I ever done won somethin is usually a pie eatin contest or wet t-shirt contest, but I'm bestest at beer drinkin contests. That be my favourite.

So, anyway, there's some rules stuff that I'm supposed to do but ain't gonna. I don't do rules. Sos I ain't thankin nobody for it, cuz I deserved this award, so why should I have to thank nobody.

Second- 7 things about me, well, that part I'll do.
1-I like to stare
2-I like to terrorize and bully
3-SuperDuper is my favourite kid
4-I like cigarettes ALOT
5-I like beer ALOT
6-I like my campin chair
7-I like my toe nails painted red

Sos I ain't gonna pass this here award along to nobody, cuz I deserve it and I'm agonna keep it. Why should I have to give it to nobody anyway. It's mine. ALL mine. And ain't nobody gonna get it but me.
So screw off losers. You're all just jealous.

Anyway, I'm gonna find my big black bikini (Lawnboy Larry done hid it on me again) and go sit on my campin chair and smoke me some more cigarettes and drink me some more beer and do some more starin.
See you losers later,
Tanktop Tammy