Stitches and Lollipops

Hello again folks,

it be me again Tanktop Tammy. Here's some pictures for you losers to enjoy:

One of them is Lawnboy Larry's sewins up of his there finger and the other be sewins up of his there head. He be proud of them.

Lawnboy Larry done wanted to take a picture of them lollipops before he done suck them dry. Sos here they be.

The other pictures is of Creepo. One done taken BEFORE the burnins to his there face. And the other done taken AFTER that there burnins to his face. Sees. You can't tell if he done got burnt or not. That be his normal.

Later losers,

Tanktop Tammy

My week by Tanktop Tammy

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy.
sos, I been busy. And not the sittin- on -my -ass -type busy.

Last tuesday, Creepo done played his favourite game of 'hold Pigface's head under the water' game. Creepo be a-callin it 'slam-dunk'. But I guess he done held her head in too long this time. Her body went done flop. Sos we took hers to emergency. Them doctors and them nurses done shook their heads at us. Turns out Pigface was fine, and was just holdin her breath too long. Long enough til she done pass out. They let her come home a couple hours later. Unfortunately. I was hopin they'd be a-keepin her longer. That be too bad.

Sos then on wednesday, Lawnboy Larry be helpin Creepo move his there chunks of wood round the yard. This be Creepo's favourite hobby. Movin chunks of that there wood. Well, Lawnboy Larry done yell out a horrid screechin yelp. Turns out there was a nail done stuck in that there chunk of wood that he don't see. It sunk it's teeth straight into Lawnboy Larry's third finger, that be his longest one. Sos we done hike back up to that there emergency again. The nurses and them doctors too, done shake their heads again. Turns out Lawnboy Larry done have 5, count em, 5 stitches. And they done give him a lollipop too. Pink. That be his favourite.
I was hopin they be keepin Lawnboy Larry for a couple days too.

Then on thursday, LittleBastard done got hit by that there car. He done got run over real good. Squashed. Sos we go back to that there emergency. They done keep LittleBastard.

Friday Creepo done got caught on fire. He be a barbieQin some hamburgers and done tried to flip them up in that there air. But one hamburger done got caughts on fire and when he go to flip it, it done come back down on his there face. He be on fire! Lawnboy Larry done saves the day by a-peein on Creepo's face. Lawnboy Larry's pee done put out that there fire. We couldn't really tell if Creepo's face was burnt or not cause that be his normal look. But we takes him up to that there emergency. Them doctors and them nurses done look plenty mad. Sos they let out Creepo AND LittleBastard too.

Then there's saturday, LittleBastard be a-playin on his there dirty ol trampolenie with BratGirl and they be a-startin fightin. And BratGirl done pushes LittleBastard clear off that there trampolenie. LittleBastard done fell and squealed somethin awful. We thinks hes got a broken bone sos Lawnboy Larry done tried to snap it back in. But that just makes LittleBastard squeal more and louder too. Sos Creepo done take him to that there doctor again. They still gots LittleBastard. He didn't get no lollipop. But Lawnboy Larry done got one again. Causin he stole it.

Sunday, we done had a rootin-tootin good ol party. We done woot-woot, and whoop-whoop, and hoot-hoot ALL night. Then Creepo done be real drunk and done smashed a beer bottle over Lawnboy Larry's head. Lawnboy Larry fall down. Lawnboy Larry not be gettin back up. Sos we takes him to that there emergency again. He done need 6, count em, 6 stitches this time. Lawnboy Larry done not feel no pain cause he be a-smokin them funny cigarettes again. He be a-gigglin the whole time that there doctor done be sewin him up.
He got another lollipop too. Orange flavour.

Sos now it be monday. And I be a-sittin here in my campin chair. Smokin and drinkin and starin and hangin. Lawnboy Larry's still passed out. Creepo and CB be a-sittin on my swing. LittleBastard be still in that there hospital. They be SO lucky to have one kid gone. I wish it were Pigface.
BratGirl and CryinGirl be fighting over a stick. Pigface be screamin real loud like. SuperDuper be a-standin and a-starin.
Sos that be my week folks. Got to go and kick at Lawnboy Larry to done wake up sos he can makes me some lunch.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

KooKoo and the brats

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos me and CB done sit around all day again today. Just sittin and smokin and drinkin and starin. Ands we found out why KooKoo done tryin to talk to us. And why KooKoo done tryin to be all sweetsie nice to us. She done says she's opening up a daycare centre and she done wants our brats to what she calls baby-sit. I don't know man, she done spent lots of time in that there Loonie-bin. But then again I sure could use a break. What with everythin I be doin round here. Sos I be thinkin I will let KooKoo done baby-sit my brats. Then I can take more time for meself. And CB done says the same thing too. With KooKoo takin our brats, we can gives more time to sittin and starin and smokin and drinkin. Yay!

Lawnboy Larry done got one cuttin job. For his loser daddy. Loser daddy done gives us more money. We told him it was for the 'cuttin lawns' business. But it was really for some more of them funny cigarettes. Lawnboy Larry done have a hankerin for them funny cigarettes ALL the time now. He's just sittin there right now and gigglin to heself.

Well, I gotta get back to me chair, and smokes and booze.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

KooKoo and CB

Hello Folks,
sos today I be real mad. Spittin mad. Sos you know how I went to that there dumb ol party at Granny's. Well whilst I was away, KooKoo did try and make bestest friends with CB.
CB be MY bitch. Not KooKoo's. And Creepo be MY bestest friend. Not KooKoo's. When I done come home from that there party, I done see KooKoo done talkin to CB. Yeah I know. KooKoo never done talk to CB before. CB been here three years now and KooKoo never done talk to CB.
Sos I be a-wonderin what KooKoo been up to? What does she want from CB?
Could it be KooKoo done want CB's trampolinie? Or could it be KooKoo done want CB's campin chair (it is super lovely). Or could KooKoo done want CB's funny cigarettes? CB and Creepo done got a whole stash of those.
When I done ask CB what KooKoo done want, CB just shrugged and scratched her ass as usual, and done said 'don't know'. But says KooKoo done sound real nice and sweetsie like.
Sos good to hear KooKoo done still takin those there happy pills of hers.
Now where is Lawnboy Larry? KooKoo better not be puttin her filthy paws on my Lawnboy Larry. I swear I snap her for it.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry and I still not be a-workin. We's just sits here in our campin chairs til somebody done call. Email us at cuttinlawns@live.ca

Granny's Party

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos I tried to crash a party the other day. Yeah I know, I actually left my campin chair. Well, not officially. My campin chair came with me. Cause it was stuck to my ass. Couldn't get it off
Sos the party was at Granny's house and I wanted to go cause of the cupcakes she makes. And I like to steal ALL the food, cause it will feed my brats for days sos I don't have to slap a sandwich together for them every couple days. It saves me big to steal.
Sos someone done slashed my tires on my ugly white truck (Larryboy Larry's loser daddy gaves us that there truck for our 'cuttin lawns' business). Sos I grabbed Lawnboy Larry and my two brats and done hitch hiked over to that there stupid party. Just as I was a-stealin them there cupcakes and other food stuffs, Stupidman done come a runnin at me. He done threw a pitch fork at my favourite kid SuperDuper. But SuperDuper don't care too much. Then Stupidman done try to chop off me head with a scythe, but I done grabbed a-hold of that there scythe. Ain't nobody done gonna chop off my head. Sos then Stupidman done got scared and cried for Granny. Then all them party peoples done come over and tried to wrestle me down but I fought back and was a-winnin. Cause I'm real tough see. And cool too. But then somethin that done smelled worst than Lawnboy Larry done jumped on my back and bit into my meaty flesh. I ran for it with Lawnboy Larry squealin and the brats screamin. We hid in the bushes til that there party was over and done stoled lots of food.
Then at night we decided to get up and leave when Granny done shot me. In the ass. Luckily she be bad at aimin that there gun. Luckily too I done still have that there campin chair still stuck on me ass. Bullet didn't pass through. Me ass is fine.
All of that was WAY too much for me. Only ONE day a year will I adventure off me stoop.
Too tired to smoke, well not really, what kind of losers too tired to smoke.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

And don't be gettin none ideas to come by me place to steal none of that there food, I done stole it fair and square. And if you come sniffin round I done snap you in two.

Another Day By Tanktop Tammy

Hello again folks,

it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos since friday we been sittin here in the backyard. Lawnboy Larry done finally wake up. He be sittin on the hammock, Creepo and CB be sittin on the swing and I be in my favourite campin chair. My kids finally done showed up, late Saturday night. See told you so. They done come home when they get hungry. They be a screamin at the top of their lungs ALL day. Creepo be a hollerin in some 'orc' language, Lawnboy Larry every so often yells out a 'hoot hoot' and a 'whoop whoop', CB just be a smokin and I be talkin lots in my very deep and manly voice.

We did shake things up a bit yesterday and done sat in the front on the stoop. It's good to shake things up a bit sometimes.

Ah it's good to take it easy and just sit and stare and smoke and scowl at people ALL day long EVERY day.



Lawnboy Larry still ain't workin. We have loser daddy come over bringin us groceries and smokes and EVERYTHING else. What a dumbass. I still not be plantin my pertty flowers. And I be the BESTEST ever plantin them pertty flowers too.

Sos we just be sittin here. I haven't moved from this here spot in 4 DAYS! I know. It's a great life.



Lawnboy Larry says he be needed to taste them there funny cigarettes again. So we gonna be findin out wheres you can get them. And we'll make loser daddy go get them for us. He does EVERYTHING for us. As it should be. No point in us doing nothin, if he can do it ALL for us. I think it's great.



Anyway gotta get back to my campin chair.

Later losers,

and don't work too hard- LOSERS,

Tanktop Tammy

Lawnboy Larry and the 'cigarettes'

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos just sittin here relaxin for a change. Gots my smokes and beers. Ah this is the life folks.
Anyway, some of yous been askin whatever happened to Lawnboy Larry. Well after my favourite big black bikini done snapped right in front of Lawnboy Larry, and he done run away. After two days I went a-lookin for him. I was afraid he gots into KooKoo's happy pills again. But nope Creepo done spotted him up the tree out back. He'd been sittin there the whole entire time. I yelled at him to get his ass down from that there tree. But he just giggled. He had somethin in his hand. It was a cigarette. But it don't smell like my regular cigarettes. I done ask Lawnboy Larry what he be smokin. And he just giggled again. Sos I reached up and grabbed his there ankle and yanked him down. He fell and hit his head. He be alright. Creepo dragged him back to our garage and Creepo and I have been smokin them there 'cigarettes' for two days now. We be doin lots of gigglin. Lawnboy Larry's done fresh out cold still. And the kids. Don't know where them kids be at. Ah well, they'll show up when they be gettin hungry.
Gotto go and get back to my 'cigarettes'.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

ps you know anyone who be needin cuttin of the lawns or a-plantin them pertty flowers, you be sure to let me know. Cause ifin you don't, I be a-snappin you in two.

My Day Yesterday

Hello Folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos, yesterday I done decided to take it easy for a change and sit. I wanted to wear the dreaded black bikini sos I started a-lookin for it. I looked everywhere. Then I smacked Lawnboy Larry upside the head cause I thought he done stole it again and done buried it out back, again. Then I spots it. Lawnboy Larry done be usin my black bikini as a table cloth. Sos I smacked him upside the head again.
And done take back my big black bikini. Snapped it into all the right spots. Ah feels so good. Then I sat on my campin chair, Lawnboy Larry done sat on the hammock and Creepo and CB done sat on the swing. The kids screamed. I screamed ALL day at them. I be a-yellin, in my super deep manly voice-"SuperDuper, SuperDuper, SuperDuper" ALL DAY LONG.

Then it happened. My beloved big black bikini done snapped. I was a-bendin over in front of Lawnboy Larry, tryin to pick up my fallen beloved cigarette, when SNAP!! My bikini bottoms went snap and opened up revealing my enormous ass. It was like an explosion! Lawnboy Larry screamed like the girl he is, CB and Creepo laughed and I just stood there. And finished pickin up my cigarette. Lawnboy Larry ran away screamin. He still hasn't come home. I hope he's not into KooKoo's happy pills again.

Later Losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Canada Day sittin and smokin, losers

Hello again folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos it be Canada Day I be told. Sos all morning I done sits outside on my campin chair smokin and drinkin them beers. When Pigface done come out to play, I told her to go away and stop buggin me, I'm busy. I done told her to go play in the mud puddle out back. So she did.
Now after a busy afternoon of smokin and starin and drinkin, Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done come over again. Lawnboy Larry says he's a-goin cook them there weenies for the loser for dinner. Sos now I be just sittin in the backyard with Lawnboy Larry, Creepo, CB, Creepo and CB's little bastards, and my ugly bastards too, along with Lawnboy Larry's daddy. Lawnboy Larry wants more money from the loser, for 'cuttin lawns'.
We have decided to both stay on that there welfare AND do 'cuttin lawns' AND live off daddy loser too! That way we be havin more money to spend on stuff. Stuff likes beer and cigarettes and those funny cigarettes that Lawnboy Larry loves so. They sure make him giggle lots.
Besides I be needin a new campin chair. My old one done got worn out some. Guess from all that sittin.
Sos here I'll stays, for the rest of the day and ALL evening. Sittin, starin, smokin and scowlin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy