Friday, December 31, 2010

Christmis aftermath

Whoa. Sos I just wokes up and thoughts it still be Christmis. But no, it be New Years Eve. Wow.
A whole weeks of drinkin and be passed out. It be a super nice way to spends a whole week. I wokes to find Lawnboy Larry pourin beers down my throat. He says he be doins it to makes me happy and keeps me alive but I knows he be doin it to makes me stays passed outs.
Sos I pounded him.

Don't know where the brats are, maybe at Creepos? Anyways it be time to start partyins for 2011! It's gonna be a wootin tootin hootin hollerin party times!! Kookoo and Ralphio better be runnin for them hills. Haha losers.

Lawnboy Larry done says it be a new dicade too. But I don't knows nothin abouts that.

Too bad your new years eve ain't gonna be as good as mine be. Bitches.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Saturday, December 25, 2010

Merry Christmas Losers

Merry Christmas all you losers!

It's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos we gots up early and tore into our stolen (or as I likes to thinks of it, regifted) presents. Had a smoke and a beers for breakfast. Then I gives a beers to Pigface and SuperDuper to makes them pass out. I likes it quiets on Christmas.

Some stupid carollers done comes over last nights and starts singin. It was truly horridable. Lawnboy Larry done starts peein on them from the upstairs window. I done thoughts it was funny. But it ain't get rid of them sos I turned the hose on them. Then they ran. That was funny.

Gots the weenie stuffed turkey in the oven. Waitin for my bestest friend forever Creepo and his lovely bride and wonderful brats to comes over for dinners. I be greatsful for my bestest friend. But not feelin greatsful for Lawnboy Larry. He done irritate me sos. I like to think of myself as widowed. Haha loser.

Anyway, times to get back to my stoop, gots some nieghbours watchin to dos.

Later losers. And too bad your Christmas won't be as good as mine!
Losers!
Tanktop Tammy

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Words of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy

Words of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy:

Todays I watched the neighbour get mail. Me and Lawnboy Larry done stood on our stoop and done watched. We done watched them go to the mail box and we done watched them leave from the mail box and back into their house.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Beeutiful Christmis Tree

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy.
Sos todays Lawnboy Larry is espeically annoyin. Sos insteads of murderin him, I decided to send him out with my bestest friend forever, Creepo. I tolds them to brings me back a tree. Sos I can decorates it all pertty like. I be the bestest EVER at decoratin a Christmis tree.

Sos anyway Lawnboy Larry and Creepo done set out for a tree. They bring an ax.
Lawnboy Larry done come back two hours later cryin. What a sissy. He had a big bump on his there head and he be blabberin bouts a tree done falls on his heads. Creepo said he done laughed real hards when that there tree done falls on Lawnboy Larry's head.
I tolds him to stop blubberin cause at leasts it's only his heads, it don't hurt nothin impotant.

But they done brings me back a real nice tree. It be the neighbours tree. Sos I decorated it with beers and weenies. It had to done decorated in ONLY blue and red cause that be my decoratin colours this year. Lawnboy Larry tried to stick a cigarette on it but I done slapped him and said NO. It not be reds or blues. Or weenies or beers.

I caughts Lawnboy Larry taken a leek in the tree stand. He says it done helps it grows better. I says it already be dead you stupid. And slaps him again.

To top off the beeutiful tree, I puts my picture on the tops. Lawnboy Larry says you supposed to put an angel or a stars on top BUT I done told him that I already be a star and an angel. Haha loser.

I sure do has the perttiest tree EVER. Suckers.

later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Monday, December 20, 2010

Creepo Returns And Santie Be Stealins!

Hello folks,
it's me, Tanktop Tammy. Sos my Christmis wish done come true! Creepo has done returned to me. I be SO happy. He didn't like workin at 'workin outs'. He be gonna go back to the welfares. Likes me.

Sos me and my bestest bud forever and forever, done our usual Christmis trickerys.
We done go round the neighbourhoods and 'takes' anything that ain't be bolted down. We dress in reds to looks like Santie Claus in case we gets caught. We stole some real good shit this year. I thinks it be our bestest year yets.

We done stole two sleds, some cigarettes (previously smoked), a can of oil, one bike, two hats, one skateboard and all them wreaths on them doors too. I gives Lawnboy Larry the wreaths. He likes to play with them, in what he done calls 'ring toss'. He done throws them wreaths over beers cans. It keep him busy for hours.

I also done steals all the pertty Christmis lights, Creepo likes to dress in them, nakeds. It be funny. And I done stoles all the carrots from them snowmens too. They be tasty.

Creepo's done gonna take the can of oil, I'm takin the cigarettes, and we be splittin the bikes and sleds and skateboards between Lawnboy Larry and the brats.

It gonna be a good Christmis!
Gotta go, sounds like Lawnboy Larry done got his face buried in snows again.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

More Words Of Wisdoms by Tanktop Tammy

More Words Of Wisdoms By Tanktop Tammy


I am thankful for turkeys. Weenie stuffed barbieQed turkeys.
I can almosts smells it now.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Lawnboy Larry and Shovelin It

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Dumb Ass Lawnboy Larry done it again. He be doin nothin that is. He did gets some more moneys from his loser daddy. I tooks it all. Gots some beers and cigarettes. At least I'm set for the next week!

Anyways Lawnboy Larry the loser has done decided he gonna be what you calls 'shovelin sidewalks'. His loser daddy done come over this mornins and after he done gives Lawnboy Larry the moneys, he done tells Lawnboy Larry that it be pitiful that he don't works. He tells Lawnboy Larry it be shamefulls to live off that there welfare and most impotant, livin off him.
He actually thinks Lawnboy Larry should makes his OWN moneys!

Sos he boughts Lawnboy Larry a shiny new shovel and tolds him to gets to work. And Lawnboy Larry says 'doin whats daddy?' And daddy done tells him 'shovelin sidewalks'.
Sos now stupid Lawnboy Larry sure be excited to start shovelin sidewalks. He be starin at that shiny new shovel ALL day. But he don't be doin no works. Just sittins. He done says he gonna starts tomorrow. Or the day after. Or the day after thats.........

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Homeless Dude be gone. But I gots a carrot for breakfast!

Hello folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy. Sos todays I woke up buried in snow. I fell asleep on my stoop last night and wokes up to find someone had made a snowman out of me. I even had a carrot stuck in my face. Sos I ate it. It be a good breakfast.

When I gots all the snows off me, I charged at Lawnboy Larry cause I thought he done its to me. And the stupid fool just be sittins there besides me not doin nothin. And besides he supposes to be being homeless and hangin on the curb down the streets and rounds the corner form heres.

After I pummeled the idiot and he begged for mercy, then he done tells me he not be the one to makes me into a snowman. But says it be the Homeless Dude that dones it. Thats when I notices the Homeless Dude not be there. He supposes to be here with me NOT Lawnboy Larry. Sos then Lawnboy Larry says the Homeless Dude couldn't stand hangin with me no mores and went back to his curb. Backs to being homeless.
That sucks. Now I'm left with Lawnboy Larry. Sure wish he'd get run over by a bus!

Anyways, sos now just sittin heres on the stoop, smokin and drinkin and hangin. With Lawnboy Larry. I guesses my days with the Homeless Dude are done for.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Friday, December 10, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

More Lawnboy Larry and the Homeless Dude

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry done spent two whole days now sittin on the curb down the street and rounds the corner from my stoop. And he done nothin but complain abouts it. He says he done hates it. But I says he done haves to do it. Sos I can keeps the homeless dude with me.

Lawnboy Larry done says he hates it cause peoples throw garbage at him from their cars. And they done calls him names too. One guy done spits on him. But that could have been me doin the spittins. Haha. Loser.
He done says one guy done peed on his leg once too. I thought that was pertty funny.

Me and homeless dude been havin a good times. We be doin everythin me and Creepo uses to do together. Likes sittin. And drinkin, and smokin and hangin. The only thing we don'ts do the sames is talk. The homeless dude don't wants to talk. Sos we just sit. Which is fines.

Been a good week all in all,
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Monday, December 6, 2010

Lawnboy Larry and Homeless Dude

Hello folks,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I be left without my Creepo. My very very bestest friend forever. He be at his job he done calls 'workin outs'. I only sees him when we done go out to 'yoga' together. That be our drinkin nights. Me and Creepos that is. I leave the Lawnboy Larry at home with the brats. Creepo and I like to drinks beers and play darts ALL night. It be fun.

Now on to my story. Sos since Creepo be done gone ALL day at that there stupid job. I be needin a new bestest friend. Sos there's this homeless dude that done hangs out down the street and rounds the corners from here. I be thinkin he be my new very bestest friend. Well, at leasts someones to hang with ALL day.

Sos I done sent Lawnboy Larry down the streets and rounds the corner to go and get him. Lawnboy Larry didn't want to but I made hims. But Lawnboy Larry done comes back with no homeless guy. I gets mad. Lawnboy Larry done says that there homeless dude don't want to come over and hangs with me ALL day. Sos I done thinks up a real good plan. I done sent Lawnboy Larry to place cigarettes all along the sidewalk. ALL the way from the homeless guy to my stoop. We goin capture that homeless dude. It's how I gots Creepo.

Sos anyways, Lawnboy Larry done plant a trail of cigarettes and it worked! Homesless guy came to my stoop. But he didn't wants to stay. He done says he makes big money sittin on the curb waitins for change to fly at him. Sos then I thinks of my most brilliants idea EVER. I AM SO AWESOME! I says to the homeless guy that Lawnboy Larry will done takes your sittins on the curbs instead. And gathers that there big money insteads. And homeless guy can sits ALL day with me insteads.

And homeless guy finally went for it! I must gives him 10 cigarettes a day, plus seven beers, 5 weenies and not to talk to him. And ALL the big moneys Lawnboy Larry's makes, he gots to give it ALL to homeless guy.
I thinks it's a good deal. Lawnboy Larry starts his homeless shift tomorrow at seven o'clock. I hear thats in the mornings.
Good luck Lawnboy Larry and Good Riddance loser.
Hahaha. I am so awesome. And pretty.

Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Toads Lickin

Hello folks,
Sos Creepos done left me. I be so sad. He done take that job he calls 'workin outs'. I bes sittin all alone on my stoop. Pigface is at school and SuperDuper be in his cage.
Lawnboy Larry done take off ALL today and yesterday too. Both times he done come backs all strange. Sos todays I decided to follow the idiot. And I done saws him at the edge of the swamp. I thoughts he was drinkin from its. Sos I gots closer. Then I saws he was lickin a toad. A big slimy brown toad. He be gigglin too.
Sos I done jump at him and he squeals in fear. I asks him what the hell are you doin? And he done says 'I wasn't tryin to turn the toad into a princess. Honest'. Sos I done punched him in the face and fell into the swamp. And I tolds him that I be the only princess he ever done goin see.
Now he's back on the stoop with me and he sure do SMELL bad.

Sos wish I had Creepo or ANYBODY to sits with, except Lawnboy Larry.
hey, what abouts that homeless dude downs the road? Hmmmmmmmmmmm..........

Later Losers,
Tanktop Tammy