Hello folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry and I are just sittin here in our campin chairs enjoyin our smokes and beers. Pigface is playin in a neighbours yard (tough to them if they don't like her there) and SuperDuper be walkin round starin and well, starin.
Lawnboy Larry's loser daddy done gives us the money to start up 'cuttin lawns'. We puts an add out and everything. Lawnboy Larry's done confused again. He don't know if he wants to stay on that there welfare like me or work at 'cuttin lawns'. Either way he not doin nothin. Just sittin with me and smokin and starin and scowlin. Nobody done wants him to cut their lawns. And nobody wants me to plant them pertty flowers. But I be the BESTEST at plantin them flowers. And if anybody done says I'm not, I'll snap them in two.
Anyways, now we knows why KooKoo done come over to talk to me. KooKoo and Ralphio done wants us to fix their deck for them. For nothin. Ralphio done tried to build that there deck three times. Now he gave up and done sold everythin. Now theys just gots sand where them bricks used to be. Lawnboy Larry' s awful stupid and he don't get it, that they just be a-usin us, and sos he wants to put that deck together. Well maybe he doesn't cause he does so like sittin and starin and scowlin in his campin chair. That be becomin his favourite.
Ain't nobody hirin us. Don't know why. Sos we'll justs sits here and waits.
Here's our add:
Lawnboy Larry done cut your lawn
at 'cuttin lawns'
and Tanktop Tammy be plantin your pertty flowers
call us.
Well, gotta to go losers, and get back to Lawnboy Larry. He done puttin his head inside that there barbieQ again, he wants to know how it done lights up. He likes fire and pertty lights ALOT. Better go before he sets his face on fire AGAIN.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Monday, June 28, 2010
Daddy
Hello again Folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy.
Well after a hectic weekend of sittin and starin, smokin and scowlin, I'm ready for a break. ALL day I'm a-goin sit here and not move. Ah it's good to take it easy once in a while.
Sos, Lawnboy Larry been thinkin bout startin up his own business. He done goin call it 'cuttin lawns'. It be a good name. And since he done got fired from every job, he done thinks he can work for himself. Come to think of it, I be done fired from all my jobs too. We have so much in common, me and Lawnboy Larry!
Sos, Lawnboy Larry done goin ask his there daddy for some more money. To start up 'cuttin lawns'. His daddy pays our rent. And pays for our car and car gas too. And bills. And buys us cigarettes too. And beer. And food.
Anyway, we likes his daddy best when he done gives us money. Sos Lawnboy Larry is goin get some more money off of the loser, I mean daddy, and start up 'cuttin lawns'. And I'm a-goin help! Yep, I'm a-goin plant some pertty flowers. That be my favourite. Just cause all my flowers done died or Pigface done rip their heads off, doesn't mean I can't be a plantin pertty flowers.
Anyway, gotta go, get back to my campin chair on my stoop.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
it's me Tanktop Tammy.
Well after a hectic weekend of sittin and starin, smokin and scowlin, I'm ready for a break. ALL day I'm a-goin sit here and not move. Ah it's good to take it easy once in a while.
Sos, Lawnboy Larry been thinkin bout startin up his own business. He done goin call it 'cuttin lawns'. It be a good name. And since he done got fired from every job, he done thinks he can work for himself. Come to think of it, I be done fired from all my jobs too. We have so much in common, me and Lawnboy Larry!
Sos, Lawnboy Larry done goin ask his there daddy for some more money. To start up 'cuttin lawns'. His daddy pays our rent. And pays for our car and car gas too. And bills. And buys us cigarettes too. And beer. And food.
Anyway, we likes his daddy best when he done gives us money. Sos Lawnboy Larry is goin get some more money off of the loser, I mean daddy, and start up 'cuttin lawns'. And I'm a-goin help! Yep, I'm a-goin plant some pertty flowers. That be my favourite. Just cause all my flowers done died or Pigface done rip their heads off, doesn't mean I can't be a plantin pertty flowers.
Anyway, gotta go, get back to my campin chair on my stoop.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Stuff
OK, so it's me again. Tanktop Tammy. Been sittin here in my garage ALL day. CB been sittin with me ALL day too. Creepo's been busy movin chunks of wood around his there backyard. That be his favourite.
KooKoo done come up to me today. Yeah I know. I was surprised too. She still be on them there happy pills. She still be a-smilin all crazy like. Anywho, she done come up to me and told me she done found what she calls 'inner peace'. She done found it at a place called yoga. I don't know what the hell she be talkin about. Anywho, she done told me that if I went to that there place called yoga that I'd be happier, and not scowlier. She said I'd be less of a bitch if I done went to that yoga. But I done told her that I like being scowlier and miserable, that be my favourite. And if she ever done call me a bitch again, I done rip off her head off.
She ran away. Probably back to suckin down some more of them happy pills of hers.
Oh, yeah some of you losers were askin bout Lawnboy Larry. He done come home last night. That there ambulance brought him back. He done sittin on his skateboard, giggling. That there hospital didn't want to let him out but I threatened to snap them in two if they didn't. So they did.
They finally let SuperDuper, my favourite, out too. He be playin in his cage right now. Pigface? I don't know where Pigface is right now.
Anyway, I gots to go get me some more beer and cigarettes. Gettin hungry too. I'm goin go kick Lawnboy Larry off his skateboard and tell him to make me some barbieQ.
See you later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
KooKoo done come up to me today. Yeah I know. I was surprised too. She still be on them there happy pills. She still be a-smilin all crazy like. Anywho, she done come up to me and told me she done found what she calls 'inner peace'. She done found it at a place called yoga. I don't know what the hell she be talkin about. Anywho, she done told me that if I went to that there place called yoga that I'd be happier, and not scowlier. She said I'd be less of a bitch if I done went to that yoga. But I done told her that I like being scowlier and miserable, that be my favourite. And if she ever done call me a bitch again, I done rip off her head off.
She ran away. Probably back to suckin down some more of them happy pills of hers.
Oh, yeah some of you losers were askin bout Lawnboy Larry. He done come home last night. That there ambulance brought him back. He done sittin on his skateboard, giggling. That there hospital didn't want to let him out but I threatened to snap them in two if they didn't. So they did.
They finally let SuperDuper, my favourite, out too. He be playin in his cage right now. Pigface? I don't know where Pigface is right now.
Anyway, I gots to go get me some more beer and cigarettes. Gettin hungry too. I'm goin go kick Lawnboy Larry off his skateboard and tell him to make me some barbieQ.
See you later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Monday, June 21, 2010
Lawnboy Larry the Loser
Hello Folks,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos yesterday was father's day. Lawnboy Larry done still in that there hospital. He says he done have the bestest father's day ever there. He says he gots to play video games (after he kicked all the kids off of the game) and he got to eat that there hospital food. He done say that hospital food is so way better than what he barbieQs.
I've been sneakin beer and cigarettes up to him. The nurse caught him smokin and just shook her head and says 'poor dumb sap'. Lawnboy Larry says he's havin the best time cuz it feels all like high school again and gettin caught smokin in the john again. He's havin fun.
They goin be keepin him for a while longer. Run some more of those tests. I keep tellin them there's nothin wrong with him. That that be his normal way of lookin and talkin and all. But they won't believe me.
Today I had to take my favourite SuperDuper to that there hospital too. The doctor done run some tests on him too. They says he ain't normal and that his head's too big but there ain't nothin in it. I says he be normal in that way too. All my family done like that.
I left Pigface with Creepo and CB. Creepo dunked her head under the water in our pool. He had fun.
Sos yesterday I done sat in my campin chair with Creepo and CB. Starin. Sittin. Smokin. Screamin.
It's a good life. I wonder when Lawnboy Larry done goin come home? Aw well, they can keep him for awhile. Loser.
Ok, later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
ps I added a couple games I like to play. Enjoy them all you losers.
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos yesterday was father's day. Lawnboy Larry done still in that there hospital. He says he done have the bestest father's day ever there. He says he gots to play video games (after he kicked all the kids off of the game) and he got to eat that there hospital food. He done say that hospital food is so way better than what he barbieQs.
I've been sneakin beer and cigarettes up to him. The nurse caught him smokin and just shook her head and says 'poor dumb sap'. Lawnboy Larry says he's havin the best time cuz it feels all like high school again and gettin caught smokin in the john again. He's havin fun.
They goin be keepin him for a while longer. Run some more of those tests. I keep tellin them there's nothin wrong with him. That that be his normal way of lookin and talkin and all. But they won't believe me.
Today I had to take my favourite SuperDuper to that there hospital too. The doctor done run some tests on him too. They says he ain't normal and that his head's too big but there ain't nothin in it. I says he be normal in that way too. All my family done like that.
I left Pigface with Creepo and CB. Creepo dunked her head under the water in our pool. He had fun.
Sos yesterday I done sat in my campin chair with Creepo and CB. Starin. Sittin. Smokin. Screamin.
It's a good life. I wonder when Lawnboy Larry done goin come home? Aw well, they can keep him for awhile. Loser.
Ok, later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
ps I added a couple games I like to play. Enjoy them all you losers.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
I am wonderful, losers
Hey Folks,
it's me again Tanktop Tammy.
Sos yesterday I was just sittin there in my campin chair starin at people. Yelled a couple insults too. One little kid with it's mom went by and I done heard it say to it's mom "what is that ugly thing staring at us mommy?"
And then the mommy says "don't look sweetie. it will give you nightmares.'
This done happen to me ALOT. All my life. Someone done tell me I was ugly. Even Lawnboy Larry done says I'm ugly. He says I look like 'someone took a frying pan to an ugly fish's face'. Smashed, fish guts.
That's why I hang out with my bestest friend in the whole wide world -Creepo. Cuz he done uglier than me! He looks like an goblin from that there movie Lord of the Rings. Or was it Lord of the Flies. I don't know, I don't do none readin. I'm too busy sittin on my chair!
Anyway, sos this morning I done took to my mirror and done told myself how beautiful I am. I done stared at myself for an hour reciting over and over again "I am beautiful. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am a wonderful woman (least I thinks I'm a woman?). I am great. I am powerful. I am wonderful. Over and over and over and over again and again. Then my reflection started freakin me out. Sos I took off. And went and sat in my campin chair.
Oh yeah, Lawnboy Larry's still in that there hospital. They done goin do some more tests. They says he needs to see whats called a psychiatrist. They wants to sees SuperDuper too. They done think he be needin some therapy. He looks blank.
Anyway, Creepo and CB done went to that there hospital to see Lawnboy Larry. Creepo brought him some chunks of wood. Lawnboy Larry done like to stare at it.
Better get back to my campin chair. Later losers.
Tanktop Tammy
it's me again Tanktop Tammy.
Sos yesterday I was just sittin there in my campin chair starin at people. Yelled a couple insults too. One little kid with it's mom went by and I done heard it say to it's mom "what is that ugly thing staring at us mommy?"
And then the mommy says "don't look sweetie. it will give you nightmares.'
This done happen to me ALOT. All my life. Someone done tell me I was ugly. Even Lawnboy Larry done says I'm ugly. He says I look like 'someone took a frying pan to an ugly fish's face'. Smashed, fish guts.
That's why I hang out with my bestest friend in the whole wide world -Creepo. Cuz he done uglier than me! He looks like an goblin from that there movie Lord of the Rings. Or was it Lord of the Flies. I don't know, I don't do none readin. I'm too busy sittin on my chair!
Anyway, sos this morning I done took to my mirror and done told myself how beautiful I am. I done stared at myself for an hour reciting over and over again "I am beautiful. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am a wonderful woman (least I thinks I'm a woman?). I am great. I am powerful. I am wonderful. Over and over and over and over again and again. Then my reflection started freakin me out. Sos I took off. And went and sat in my campin chair.
Oh yeah, Lawnboy Larry's still in that there hospital. They done goin do some more tests. They says he needs to see whats called a psychiatrist. They wants to sees SuperDuper too. They done think he be needin some therapy. He looks blank.
Anyway, Creepo and CB done went to that there hospital to see Lawnboy Larry. Creepo brought him some chunks of wood. Lawnboy Larry done like to stare at it.
Better get back to my campin chair. Later losers.
Tanktop Tammy
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Lawnboy Larry done got run over
Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry done got run over by a car today. Stupid loser. The driver says he don't see Lawnboy Larry. Lawnboy Larry done lay there atwitchin and all and the driver got real nervous. He asks me if Lawnboy Larry's ok, cuz he done twitchin and I done told him, yep that be normal for Lawnboy Larry, he's always a twitchin. Sos the driver done got back in his car and sped off.
Sos I hauled up Lawnboy Larry and drove back to that there place called a hospital. Half way to that there hospital, I remembered the kids. Sos I drove back home and threw them kids in the back. And lit up another cigarette.
When we got to that there hospital, the nurses ran and grabbed my favourite kid SuperDuper. They wouldn't give him back. They says there's somethin wrong with him. That he done look what they call retarded. And I says no that's just SuperDuper, he always looks that way. They looked at me, then they looked at SuperDuper and back at me, and then they shrug and say I guess so. And they done give me back SuperDuper.
And I says it's this here one Lawnboy Larry who done got run over by that there car.
Sos then they grab Lawnboy Larry and take him away.
Sos I went home. When I gots home, then I remembered them kids of mine. I drove back to that hospital and found the kids playin in a mud puddle. Sos then we drove home.
That there hosptial says they goin keep Lawnboy Larry for what they call observation.
They say he don't look good. He don't seem to know nothin. But his head didn't get hurt just his foots. Sos I don't know what they talkin bout.
Anyway, got to get back to my swing and my cigarettes and my beer, now where did those damn kids go now?
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos Lawnboy Larry done got run over by a car today. Stupid loser. The driver says he don't see Lawnboy Larry. Lawnboy Larry done lay there atwitchin and all and the driver got real nervous. He asks me if Lawnboy Larry's ok, cuz he done twitchin and I done told him, yep that be normal for Lawnboy Larry, he's always a twitchin. Sos the driver done got back in his car and sped off.
Sos I hauled up Lawnboy Larry and drove back to that there place called a hospital. Half way to that there hospital, I remembered the kids. Sos I drove back home and threw them kids in the back. And lit up another cigarette.
When we got to that there hospital, the nurses ran and grabbed my favourite kid SuperDuper. They wouldn't give him back. They says there's somethin wrong with him. That he done look what they call retarded. And I says no that's just SuperDuper, he always looks that way. They looked at me, then they looked at SuperDuper and back at me, and then they shrug and say I guess so. And they done give me back SuperDuper.
And I says it's this here one Lawnboy Larry who done got run over by that there car.
Sos then they grab Lawnboy Larry and take him away.
Sos I went home. When I gots home, then I remembered them kids of mine. I drove back to that hospital and found the kids playin in a mud puddle. Sos then we drove home.
That there hosptial says they goin keep Lawnboy Larry for what they call observation.
They say he don't look good. He don't seem to know nothin. But his head didn't get hurt just his foots. Sos I don't know what they talkin bout.
Anyway, got to get back to my swing and my cigarettes and my beer, now where did those damn kids go now?
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Monday, June 14, 2010
sittin and starin. what more is there?
Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos last night Creepo set off some fireworks. He almost nearly done blowed off his face again. It was funny. And the fireworks were super cool. Only super cool people shoot off fireworks. It was loud and KooKoo started screaming. That was funny.
Lawnboy Larry's sittin on the stoop with me. So is CB and Creepo. We be starin at everybody and makin rude gestures at them. And insultin them. It's fun being cool.
Lawnboy Larry's not too worried about lookin for another job cuz he's goin go on welfare like me. I've been on that there welfare since they did fire me for being so ugly. I likes welfare. Creepo and CB be on welfare too. I think Lawnboy Larry will miss cuttin them lawns though. He was born to do that. It's his what they call destiny.
Pigface is ascreamin and jumpin up and down, up and down. That be her favourite lately. And SuperDuper be just standin there starin, not movin. That be his favourite lately.
I can see KooKoo watchin me from her window. She's been afraid to go outside since them fireworks. Haha loser.
Well, gotta get back to my starin and sittin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos last night Creepo set off some fireworks. He almost nearly done blowed off his face again. It was funny. And the fireworks were super cool. Only super cool people shoot off fireworks. It was loud and KooKoo started screaming. That was funny.
Lawnboy Larry's sittin on the stoop with me. So is CB and Creepo. We be starin at everybody and makin rude gestures at them. And insultin them. It's fun being cool.
Lawnboy Larry's not too worried about lookin for another job cuz he's goin go on welfare like me. I've been on that there welfare since they did fire me for being so ugly. I likes welfare. Creepo and CB be on welfare too. I think Lawnboy Larry will miss cuttin them lawns though. He was born to do that. It's his what they call destiny.
Pigface is ascreamin and jumpin up and down, up and down. That be her favourite lately. And SuperDuper be just standin there starin, not movin. That be his favourite lately.
I can see KooKoo watchin me from her window. She's been afraid to go outside since them fireworks. Haha loser.
Well, gotta get back to my starin and sittin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Saturday, June 12, 2010
My Life
Hello again losers,
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos all week I done sat on my front stoop and stared and yelled insults as my neighbours came and went. Stupid losers going to work and shoppin and goin places. I've got it better than they do. I gets to sit on my fat ass ALL day. Pretty cool life.
But it's good to shake things up sometimes. Like this week I sat ALL day every day on my front stoop. Instead of the backyard. Sos that was pretty excitin.
KooKoo done actin all weirdo again. She hangs out in the rain and yesterday she spent hours walkin around her yard while hangin on to her fence. I know. Pretty weird huh. I hope she don't find out it was Lawnboy Larry who done stole her pills.
Lawnboy Larry done got himself fired again. His boss says Lawnboy Larry was done late again so he fired him. It's hard to get up in the mornin when you done spent ALL night drinkin and sittin on your stoop. Lawnboy Larry's playin on his there skateboard.
Creepo's been hangin around alot. His favourite thing to do lately is move chunks of old rottin wood around and around. Like he'll move it from one spot, then pick it up again and put it in another spot. He can do this for hours. We all thinks he's pretty cool.
CB's been hangin with me all week. We mostly just sit and stare and yell at the kids. And neighbours.
It's been a good week. Now I got to go and get some rest. And some cigarettes. Where's Lawnboy Larry gotten too now.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
it's me Tanktop Tammy. Sos all week I done sat on my front stoop and stared and yelled insults as my neighbours came and went. Stupid losers going to work and shoppin and goin places. I've got it better than they do. I gets to sit on my fat ass ALL day. Pretty cool life.
But it's good to shake things up sometimes. Like this week I sat ALL day every day on my front stoop. Instead of the backyard. Sos that was pretty excitin.
KooKoo done actin all weirdo again. She hangs out in the rain and yesterday she spent hours walkin around her yard while hangin on to her fence. I know. Pretty weird huh. I hope she don't find out it was Lawnboy Larry who done stole her pills.
Lawnboy Larry done got himself fired again. His boss says Lawnboy Larry was done late again so he fired him. It's hard to get up in the mornin when you done spent ALL night drinkin and sittin on your stoop. Lawnboy Larry's playin on his there skateboard.
Creepo's been hangin around alot. His favourite thing to do lately is move chunks of old rottin wood around and around. Like he'll move it from one spot, then pick it up again and put it in another spot. He can do this for hours. We all thinks he's pretty cool.
CB's been hangin with me all week. We mostly just sit and stare and yell at the kids. And neighbours.
It's been a good week. Now I got to go and get some rest. And some cigarettes. Where's Lawnboy Larry gotten too now.
later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Baby Photos
Hello,It's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Today I will show you some baby photos of me and my beautiful family and friends. You will enjoy these.
Starting with the top left hand side one is a photo of Creepo's kid LittleBastard. He has a nice smile.
The big photo beside it is of my favourite kid SuperDuper. He's so cute huh.
Below the photo of LittleBastard is me and beside mine is Pigface. See, now you know why we picked that there name.
Below my photo is Lawnboy Larry and beside him is CB. And the bottom left one is of Creepo-the one with the big toothy smile. And beside that one is Creepo's kid CryingGirl.
Well, that's it from me folks. Gotta go and get back to my campin chair out front. CB's awaitin for me.
Saturday, June 5, 2010
Versatile Award, check it out losers
The Versatile Blogger Award
Hello,
it's me again, Tanktop Tammy. Sos I won me an award folks. I so deserve this here award. It says I won the Versatile Award. Don't know what that there word 'versatile' means but I knows I deserves it. For sure.
This is cool folks cuz the only time I ever done won somethin is usually a pie eatin contest or wet t-shirt contest, but I'm bestest at beer drinkin contests. That be my favourite.
So, anyway, there's some rules stuff that I'm supposed to do but ain't gonna. I don't do rules. Sos I ain't thankin nobody for it, cuz I deserved this award, so why should I have to thank nobody.
Second- 7 things about me, well, that part I'll do.
1-I like to stare
2-I like to terrorize and bully
3-SuperDuper is my favourite kid
4-I like cigarettes ALOT
5-I like beer ALOT
6-I like my campin chair
7-I like my toe nails painted red
Sos I ain't gonna pass this here award along to nobody, cuz I deserve it and I'm agonna keep it. Why should I have to give it to nobody anyway. It's mine. ALL mine. And ain't nobody gonna get it but me.
So screw off losers. You're all just jealous.
Anyway, I'm gonna find my big black bikini (Lawnboy Larry done hid it on me again) and go sit on my campin chair and smoke me some more cigarettes and drink me some more beer and do some more starin.
See you losers later,
Tanktop Tammy
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Garage
Sos it's rainin here folks. Which means I can't hang outside. But gots to hang in my garage. My garage smells like oil. And cigarettes. Loves it. Sos I'm hangin out in my garage for the WHOLE day. I've got Lawnboy Larry (cuz he's home and can't cut them there lawns in the rain) here and I've got some loser friends over too. CB will be coming over soon too.
ALL winter we hangs in the garage. When my favourite SuperDuper was a baby, we kept him in the garage ALL the time. He likes it there bestest.
KooKoo's done back and hasn't noticed her pills are missin, YET! She's outside standin in the rain right now. Yikes.
Anyway, better start up that there barbieQ. It's time to eat. Think I'll go get another beer and send Lawnboy Larry out for more smokes. The only time I leave is to get them smokes or beer, but usually I just send Lawnboy Larry.
ALL day I just like sittin, starin, smokin and scowlin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
ALL winter we hangs in the garage. When my favourite SuperDuper was a baby, we kept him in the garage ALL the time. He likes it there bestest.
KooKoo's done back and hasn't noticed her pills are missin, YET! She's outside standin in the rain right now. Yikes.
Anyway, better start up that there barbieQ. It's time to eat. Think I'll go get another beer and send Lawnboy Larry out for more smokes. The only time I leave is to get them smokes or beer, but usually I just send Lawnboy Larry.
ALL day I just like sittin, starin, smokin and scowlin.
Later losers,
Tanktop Tammy
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